Girl Or Boy

August 25, 2006 at 12:30 pm

Lots of people are asking me this question.

I had a feeling I was going to have a boy from the very beginning. Because of the timing of conception (on the dot of ovulation day), and the experience I have with this pregnancy is very different from Zara’s. Not to mention seeing the baby’s hand reach out for the needle during the amnio test, an indication of a boy in the making.

With Zara, there was no morning sickness. My stomach was growing very rounded and towards the side (like a flat wok). With this baby, it is pointy, all growing towards the front.

Do I prefer a girl or a boy? I asked Zara that question as well, “Do you want mummy to have a baby girl or baby boy?” She always replies, “Baby girl.” If Zara was a boy, I would definitely hope for a girl, since she’s a girl, does it matter?

A boy would have completed the family, an ideal. A girl and a boy, what more can you ask?
Daddy would prefer a boy, he said he could share his engineering hobby with him, i.e. fixing the car, building amplifiers etc.

But deep down, I would like another girl.
I think girls are easier to care for, girls ‘listen’ more, and when they grow up, they tend to be closer to their families than boys.
From an economic standpoint, a girl would be better, because she can inherit all Zara’s and Tasha’s clothes and shoes.
My friend who has a girl first and a boy then, told me the caring of the KKJ (Chinese : male organ) is tougher. There are so many folds to clean, like below the testicles, the folds between the penis and testicles etc.

The reason why I wanted to have a second child was to let Zara have a sibling to talk to and discuss things with when we’re old and gone. How many brother and sister out there who are very close? Who can talk about anything under the sun? I just look at myself, we’re never that close to my brother, I talk to my SIL more than him; but with my sisters, we get along fine (of course there were tongue lashing, fists fighting days), we can talk about anything, our MILs, our sex lives, the latest skin care, etc.

So I was very anxious to know the sex of the baby.

And I am very happy to know that we’re going to have another girl! I can sense a wee bit of disappointment in Daddy when I told him the sex, but after a while, he said, “actually, girl is better also hor?” My reply to him is, “No matter what, don’t ask me try for a boy huh, I’m closing shop!”

About Baby

August 24, 2006 at 1:17 pm

Few days back
Me : Zara, mummy buy you new bed, you sleep on new bed ok? Your cot let baby sleep.
Zara : Don’t want. Zara sleep Zara’s bed.
Me : Where will baby sleep then?
Zara : *pointing to our bed* With Mummy and Daddy

Yesterday night
Me : Zara, mummy buy you new bed, you sleep on new bed ok? Let baby sleep in your cot.
Zara : Don’t want. Baby sleep new bed. Zara sleep in the cot.
Me : Why? Mummy get you nice nice new bed woh, you don’t want?
Zara : Don’t want. Zara likes Zara’s cot. Baby sleep new bed.
Me : What about nap time? Can baby sleep with you on the mattress (she has a mattress downstairs for her afternoon nap) down stairs?
Zara : Cannot. Baby sleep in small cot downstairs.
Me : But, we don’t have small cot downstairs.
Zara : Baby sleep on the floor then.
Me : But the floor is so hard and cold. You must sayang (Malay : love) baby, let baby sleep on the mattress with you.
Zara : Sleep on mummy’s body then.
Me : *roll eyes*

We still have yet to sort out the sleeping arrangement. We thought of getting a new bed for Zara, park it next to my side of the bed (like we did with the cot), and let baby sleep in the cot. Zara doesn’t seem keen with the idea.. but maybe she’ll change her mind when we bring her bed shopping.

By the way, got my amnio test result, and every thing is ok.. what a relief. So I’m now half way with my pregnancy, 20more weeks to go.

Amnio Test and Weekend photos

August 8, 2006 at 12:17 pm

Had my amnio test done yesterday morning.

I went in feeling very nervous. I guess the Dr saw my pale face and reassured me everything will be fine by patting on my arm.

After identifying the spot which was a safe distance away from the baby via ultrasound, Dr immediately sterilized his hands and my tummy area with alcohol and started the procedure.

During Zara’s time, I was so afraid I just closed my eyes the entire time until the Dr told me it’s over. This round, I chose to watch the entire procedure. I saw the Dr deftly inserted the long needle into my abdomen, the strange thing is, there was no pain. Not even a sting or an ant bite feeling (with Zara, there was at least a ant bite sting). With the Dr holding on to the ultrasound scanner and the needle to ensure the baby is at a safe distant, the nurse started extracting the amnio fluid into a tube. It was yellowish in colour, like urine.

I was concentrating on the amount of fluid extracted, and suddenly heard the Dr said, “Oops, baby has moved”. I turned my attention to the monitor. I could see the baby’s hands reaching out to the needle. Yes, the little one was reaching out his/her hands for the needle! The Dr maneuvered the needle a bit so that the baby could not touch the sharp end which then stopped the amnio fluid from flowing into the collection tube. So it took longer for the desired amount of fluid to be extracted with the baby being so ‘busy body’ trying to touch the needle every time it was inserted back to the amnio sac.

When the right amount of fluid was collected, the Dr took the needle out, and did another scan on my stomach to show that baby is ok, heart beating etc. I could still see the baby’s hands reaching out towards the direction of where the needle was. 10 little fingers all stretched out. What a sight!

When we got home, I showed Zara the plaster on my tummy, and told her I won’t be able to carry her, or bring her to the park these few days. I also told her to be careful when she’s around me, no pressing on my stomach or jumping on me or ‘blood will come out’. She has been trying to refrain herself from doing all these.

We now have to wait 2.5 to 3 weeks for the result.

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And here are the things Zara did over the weekend.

Swimming! She’s staying afloat on her own for longer period of time now!

After 3 weeks of not sucking her thumb, we took out her ‘present’ for her. She had a good time slowly unwrapping the present, then immediately making use of the paint to do some finger painting on paper as well as on the toilet wall.

Penang – I

August 2, 2006 at 1:17 pm

Daddy had to go up North for a work trip last 2 days. Since I am going to do my amnio test next Monday, I thought I’d followed him so we could stop by at St Anne’s to say a prayer before the test.

We arrived in Bukit Mertajam at about 3:30pm on Saturday, the feast day itself. The road leading to the church was closed so we have to walk. There were lots of hawkers lining the street, taking the opportunity to make some money from the event. Some were blasting loud music and songs which I thought was very disrespectful.

We said our prayer in the old church, and then spent some time showing Zara around although it was a terribly hot day. Zara was very interested in the various statues of Jesus and the Saints available, especially the scene of the crucifixion. We tried to explain to her what was happening in each scene in ways she could understand. After that, whenever she see her book on Jesus (which we brought along for the trip), she kept saying, “Jesus pain pain”. “Bad people beat beat Jesus”. “Put Jesus on the stick”.

Zara receiving flowers in the old church; Around the church; an ice cream treat for her.

We then headed to Penang island. We stopped by at Nonya Breeze, a restaurant we discovered on our last trip to Penang a year before, for an early dinner. The food at the restaurant was still very good and authentic, and for a dinner with fish, prawns, chicken, vege, dessert, 4 drinks, it only came out to RM41. Rosie, the restaurant owner, even threw in Zara’s dinner (which consist of a small fish fillet and a bowl of soup) for free. No way we can get this kind of deal and hospitality in KL.

We let her have some fun at the beech before dinner.

We stayed in Bayview Resort as our favourite hotel Lonepine was fully booked. The resort was filled holiday goers from the Middle East. Our room got upgraded, and we got a very big and comfortable sea view room. Zara just felt so right at home in the resort, she even walked about among the fully robed Middle Eastern ladies without a hint of curiosity or fear.

After taking a shower, we went out to the night market to get ourselves some DVDs. With the police on their toes, the shop that we visited (which was recommended by Domestic Rat) was pulling down the shutters to close up, and then reopening after they got the all clear sign, a few times. Daddy and Zara got ‘shut in’ on one occasion and Zara wailed when she couldn’t spot me around. Poor girl.

During bed time, since Daddy had to share a bed with Zara, Zara warned Daddy by waving her finger, “Daddy, cannot snore snore.”

Weekend (lots of) Fun – Photos

July 25, 2006 at 1:13 pm

Weekend mainly is Zara’s time. We try to let her has as much fun as she can.

Saturday – Wall Painting

She wanted to do some painting, but when I prepared her paint and drawing paper, she said “Zara want paint body. Paint face, paint knee”.

So we moved her to the bathroom. Let her do some painting on the bathroom wall, and paint her body. After that, I just washed the wall out and gave her a bath.

Artist at work

Artist and her wall painting.

Sunday – Aquaria, KLCC.

Daddy was contemplating if we should go to the zoo or Aquaria, I suggested Aquaria due to the hot and hazy weather.

It was a good outing for Zara. She was very fascinated with the water creatures, and some of the other animals available on display, e.g. snakes, turtles, tortoise, spiders, frogs, raccoon (yes! There’s even a raccoon). Before the trip, I told her she’ll be seeing sharks, puffer fish, star fish, sea horse. I was a bit disappointed when I couldn’t show her any star fish or sea horses, I felt kind of cheated.

There really isn’t much show cases on colorful sea creatures and coral reefs. The main attraction is the tunnel through the big aquarium with sharks, Murray fish, stingray swimming about and above us. If it wasn’t for Zara, I don’t think we would have ever gone.

Zara was very happy to be in the Aquaria

We spent the most time in the tunnel. Zara kept saying “Shark fly high in the sky” after our visit because many times the sharks swam above us.

More time in the tunnel. And at last, we saw some living corrals, with some colourful clown fishes.

And then I got this as a present from Daddy. A Samsung MP3 player. We were considering an iPod and this, but an iPod costs RM200 more for the same features. So the $ factor decided for us.

Daddy got this for me so that I can play some classical music for the baby in the stomach. With Zara, I used to sit in front of my notebook with earphones stuck to my stomach. This would make me so much more mobile, and I can still move about and play with Zara, while the baby has a dose of his/her classical music.

Quantifying Love / Pregnancy Update

July 5, 2006 at 1:21 pm

Daddy: Zara, do you love Daddy?
Zara : Larf
Daddy : How much do you love Daddy?
Zara : Two
Me : Zara, what about mummy? Do you love mummy?
Zara : Larf
Me : How much do you love Mummy?
Zara : SEVEN!

Haha. Daddy 0, Mummy 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m already into my 2nd trimester. Tummy is already showing. This time, it’s protuding front wards instead of going side ways like the time I have Zara.

My appetite is getting better, although I’m still not able to eat as much as I used to when I have Zara.

Because of my age, my next hurdle is doing the amniocentesis around 16weeks (this round I’m not going for the tripple blood test). For those of you who don’t know what this is, it’s to inject a very long syringe into the abdomen to collect amnionic fluid. The fluid collected is then sent to a lab for culturing to check if the baby has any genetic or chromosomal abnormalities. The wait time for the result is 3 weeks. A long wait!

I remembered the last time when I have Zara, I didn’t celebrate until the amnio test came back to say everything is ok. I didn’t dare to celebrate. It would be the same this round.

Pregnancy Update, Weaning, Zara Jiejie

June 2, 2006 at 9:00 am

Hui Sia asked why I don’t mention much about the pregnancy in my blog. Actually I wanted to wait after the 1st trimester before I include updates of the pregnancy since things can still be very uncertain.

We went to see the Dr 2 weeks ago for my first check up. By right at 7 weeks, the baby’s heartbeat should be visible. However, the Dr couldn’t find one. He told us to return in 2 weeks time. You can imagine how worried we were.

Yesterday we went again. This time, the heartbeat was visible (at least to the Dr). From the size of the baby (slightly more than 1cm), Dr thinks that I’m only 7weeks + pregnant. Still very early in the pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weaning Zara wasn’t difficult. After I knew I was pregnant, I increased another feed of formula to Zara. I still let her nurse 1st thing in the morning and before she went to bed. I think my milk supply reduced a lot, because she still asked for a bottle after nursing.

A week later, the nursing time also reduce, sometimes she just politely pulled down my t-shirt when I offered her the breast and said, “Close. Want bottle milk.“. At this stage, I found that the taste of the milk has changed as well, from something sweetish it has become a bit sour, probably due to the pregnancy hormones, nature’s way of weaning a child.

By the time she turned 18mths (3 weeks later), she totally stopped wanting the breast. Happy to just have the “bottle breast“, as she calls it.

I was expecting engorgement, and some discomfort, but maybe because the weaning process was spaced out, I do not have any of this. The amazing thing is, the breasts immediately shrunk 2 cups smaller! Just like that. (If only the tummy can shrink in this manner.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve started telling Zara about the baby as well. She likes to bounce on my tummy, and I’d told her she can’t do that anymore because there’s a baby in my stomach, and the baby will feel the pain if she jumped on me. She seems to understand it.

Now, if she forgot and started bouncing on me, I’ll tell her, “Zara cannot jump on mummy”. She would quickly stop, kiss my stomach and say, “Got baby inside”.


May 3, 2006 at 3:50 pm

We were back from Bali yesterday evening.

In the middle of last night, I felt nausea, gas was building up in my stomach and bitter bile pushed itself up to my throat. I had to go to the toilet to throw up. I thought I was getting some form of food poisoning from the trip, but then, I also thought if it was remotely possible that I was …?

In the morning, I did a test, I saw 2 lines. But then, I didn’t believe myself, the test kit I have was a cheapo one, don’t know if I could trust it . I went to the Dr to confirm.

And the result is, yes, there are 2 lines! 2nd line is faint but visible. If all goes well, Zara will be a real ‘jie-jie’ (Chinese: elder sister) in early Jan.

It is a shocker to me because I didn’t expect it to come so soon. I was feeling a bit anxious. Another one means double the expenses; Zara is now more or less independent (can play on her own, tell me what she needs if she wants some thing), to think that I have to start all over again gives me a headache. I have not been taking care of myself (unlike when I had Zara, I was in my optimum health), will everything be ok? I love Zara with all my heart, do I still have the capacity to love another?

Oh boy, what a shocker!

Part 7 : Little Zara, At Last

November 11, 2005 at 7:19 pm

We were lucky, we were told. It was a clean miscarriage. Nothing remained in my uterus, everything was ‘expelled’, there was no need to do a D&C (which can be quite damaging to the uterus).

It was actually quite common for people to have miscarriages. 1 in 4 pregnancies, higher risk for people with PCOS; so it seemed. A consolation NOT. It my case, it was most likely caused by the genetic make up of the embroy, nature’s way of purging away bad ‘product’.

Dr JL told us we could start trying again after 3 months. My Chinese Dr told me to try again only after 6 months as I should nurture my body back like someone who’d just given birth; and she prescribed 30days of confinement herbs for me.

I continued my vigorous work out schedule to numb my senses (oh well, I have to admit I enjoyed it as well).

I stopped my fertility treatment, but continued to see the Chinese Dr to nurture my health.

We had sex, for the fun of it, it was no longer scheduled and I didn’t have to lift my legs up for 20minutes after our act.

We celebrated our 5th year anniversary in a remote island and a national park in Thailand for a total of 10days, best trip ever.

I threw a surprise birthday party for Daddy’s 40th birthday. That night, we were merry, he had a few oh-kao (Guiness Stout). He was in high spirit, surrounded by his best friends. When his friends left we went wild, we were all over each other we had mind boggling sex; and sod the condom!

Zara was conceived that night.

On the 1st few weeks of my pregnancy, I was obsessed, I went to the toilet to check for spotting every 30mins. I prayed that I won’t see any streak of blood.

We went to St Anne’s Church to ask for protection and blessing. Promising we would bring our baby here to give thanks if all end up well. I drank the holy water diligently once every week.

The pregnancy was kept hush hush until I saw her heart beat in the ultra sound, and no celebration until much later.

I had to do an amniocentesis on my 16th week because of my age and also because my triple test came back positive. In the test, a long needle has to be poked into my belly to extract amnionic fluid. I was extremely worried, about the skill of the Dr, as well as the damage it could cause.

I was assured by a friend, who worked with a lot of gynaes because of the nature of her job (I only knew her later or I wouldn’t have met the other horrible Drs), that Dr JL is one of the best, because he has a lot of patients, and have a lot of experiance with carrying out the test.

The first attempt, Zara was way too near to the skin of the belly, even with the Dr thumping his fingers on my skin, she wouldn’t move! On the next attempt, I spoke to her before we went to the hospital and asked her to coorperate. In the scan, I could see her actually crouching at one corner. When the long needle was inserted into my tummy deftly, I prayed that she didn’t move a muscle.

The Dr casually said that if the result came back and the baby has genetic defect (Down Syndrome mainly), I could choose to terminate it (Wow, that is soo comforting). It was the longest 3 weeks of my life (to wait for the result)!

When I got the result and knew every thing was fine (and confirmed she’s a girl), we celebrated!

During the rest of the pregnancy, I prayed that she would be strong and healthy and normal (not hideously ugly) every day.

I wanted a vagina delivery. Dr JL did all he could to make sure I have one. When she was delivered, while enduring the pain, I prayed hard that she would be alright, no complication (and please, not now!!).

When I heard her first cry, I forgot about the pain of child birth. When she was placed in my arms and I saw her for the first time, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I cannot describe the feelings I had. I thank God. What I’d gone through was worthwhile, she’s in my arms now, strong and healthy and normal, our little Zara. Daddy’s very belated birthday present.

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Even though the journey has been a long and bumpy one, we have been blessed. She’s our greatest joy.
Occasionally, when we look at this little girl, Daddy and I still can’t believe she’s our daughter.

I didn’t mind sharing my experiance with those who were trying even before I had Zara; but I’m not sure without Zara, would I still have the courage to write this?
People who have tried and wanted to give up, please don’t, I have my story to tell, because if I did, I would not have Zara now.People who have gotten pregnant unplanned and wanted to give up the child, please don’t; count your blessing; there are people who are doing all they can to conceive, so don’t take yours for granted.

I had recommended the Chinese Dr to many people (some of them did get pregnant). Even if she didn’t help you with your conception, she would have made you healthier, so there’s really nothing to loose. If you are interested, here is her address:

Chi Ren Chinese Medical Hall (??)
63A, Jalan Petaling Utama 7,
Batu 7,
Jalan Klang Lama
Tel # 77832341
Pls note she’s closed on both Mon & Tue
Wed~Fri 10am~4pm
Sat~Sun 10am~2pm

Her charges is about RM50 per visit, with 1 week’s herbs and medication.

Part 6 : The Worst Day of My Life

November 11, 2005 at 9:01 am

We were exhilarated. We were going to be parents! Finally! We were eager to share the good news with the world! People were happy for us, knowing how much I’d gone through in recent years. My sister immediately bought 2 maternity dresses for me, even though not the slightest bump had shown yet.

I continued to go to the gym, keened on strengthening myself more because of the pregnancy.

Dr Wong requested me to see him every other day, he wanted to give me some jabs. Only the 3rd jab, I realized he was actually giving me progesterone or ???, it was for making sure I keep my pregnancy (there’s really no evidence that it helps). I said I didn’t need it, I had had enough hormonal jabs/pills. He insisted that I had to take it!

Time to change Dr, Daddy told me, he didn’t like all these hormonal treatment either, and Dr Wong has started making decision without checking with us. We started seeing my BIL’s fishing buddy, Dr Jason Lim (JL) in Sunway medical instead.

I really like Dr JL, he’s very professional (no interruption in between consultation). He never made decision for us. He presented us with facts, and we decide what we wanted to do. He told me I was still very early in my pregnancy, the progesterone jab based on research has not shown to help prevent miscarriages; but if I wanted it, he would administer it, my choice. Our decision was no more hormonal jabs!

2 weeks after I knew I was pregnant, I had light spotting after my work out. It freaked me out! I was in cold sweat, went home, told Daddy about it, and then we started checking books, internet, what this meant. It seemed some pregnant ladies do have spotting, although it may be an indication of a miscarriage, it normally didn’t end up so.

I went to see Dr JL the following day, the baby was still in tact (the dot was still there), so I felt more relieved. Dr JL also said there’s really not much he could do at this stage, unless I wanted the progesterone jab, or I wanted MC to have bed rest. The rest, it’s really up to the pregnancy itself.

After this, I have spotting on and off, sometimes it’s pink streaks of blood, sometimes it’s very brownish discharge (like old blood). Although it disturbed me, I couldn’t do much. I stopped going to the gym, and tried to rest more to help with the pregnancy. I also visited the Dr weekly, just to make sure baby was still alright.

During this time my beloved cat, Charm was sick and was having breathing difficulty. He, who was normally quite greedy, wasn’t eating or drinking, and had not used the litter box for 2 days. Because I was so preoccupied with my own problem, I didn’t bring him to the vet earlier. When I did, the vet claimed that he had pneumonia and failed kidneys. They needed to put him on drips, and recommended he stayed over night in the vet.

I remembered that night, it was raining cats and dogs, with deafening thunder! An image of a very frighten cat occasionally came to my mind. At night, I prayed for my baby and Charm.

The next morning before work, I went to visit Charm with my maid. When we arrived, the reception was looking nervous and mentioned about some miss call she’d placed to me. “What call?” was my replied. And then it occurred to me something must have gone wrong. Before the receptionist could reply, I already had tears in my eyes. Yes, Charm has died, he was found dead in his cage that morning.

I took his stiffen body back and buried him in our back yard. It was like a funeral, both my maid and I crying. I blamed myself, I was busy with my own problems, and brought him to see the vet too late, also, I shouldn’t have left him overnight in the vet, he must have been frightened to death by the thunderstorm.

The same afternoon, while still grieving, I saw a blotch of blood on my underwear when I went to the toilet. I started trembling, what did this mean? Am I loosing the baby? I called Daddy home, and we went to the hospital together. It was however, Dr JL’s surgery day, so we saw another Dr.

The other Dr did the scan, the little dot was still there (though still no heart beat for an 8 week old baby, but then we might have calculated our dates wrongly). He suggested I take a progesterone jab, just to be on the safe side. We agreed, anything to help!

I was so dispirited when I got home; I laid in bed with very red and swollen eyes. While Daddy was sitting next to me, consoling me, I felt spasm of pain in my abdomen. I was crying, for Charm, and also because I was very worried about the baby. The spasm became worse, it was like a contraction, it was painful. I was telling Daddy it hurt so much, and I didn’t know what was happening. And then the pain just stopped, as suddenly as it started. I was sighing in relieve, luckily nothing happened, so I thought! I drifted to sleep.

When it was time for dinner, I went first to the toilet to pee. When I sat on the toilet bowl, I felt something dripping out, and then a plop! I looked, and to my horror, I saw this dark blood clot in a lighter pool of blood in the toilet bowl. I reached to retrieve the blood clot; what I saw in my hand was a piece of liver like flesh, the size of 20cent coin. I could feel the blood draining from my face, I was shaking, I shouted for Daddy. Tears was pouring down.

It was our 8 week old baby, just expelled out from my body, the same day as I lost my beloved cat. I screamed in my mind, “God, why this? Why happen to me? After 5years of waiting and THIS?”

It was the worst day of my life.

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