Part 2 : The Dr with the sexy toilet

November 7, 2005 at 7:15 pm

After the Pudu Dr’s ordeal, I told Daddy the next Dr we saw, I would leave it to him to decide what needed to be done.

People unfortunately never talked about the issue of infertility openly, especially when they themselves are experiencing it. We tried to tell friends that we’re trying but have not been successful, and would like to get a Dr to diagnose our problem. So the Drs recommended to us were normal gynaes, friend who went for operation to remove a cist, friends who got a baby delivered by a good Dr.

The next Dr we went to was from Taman Desa Medical Centre. We nick named him Versace because he wore this conspicuous Versace studded belt all the time (we should have fled when we first spotted that BELT). On our first visit, I visited the toilet.

The toilet in his clinic was pasted with photos of female in various provocative outfit and poses (some even topless, with only G-strings on, worse than these photos). In my mind I was thinking we might have come to the right place. He must be a fertility specialist, and this was where he got his male patients to jerk off collect specimen for semen analysis test. I was quite excited and told Daddy what I saw in the toilet, I told him he might need to use that probably in later visits.

When we got to see Versace, he did an ultra sound scan and then said he needed to do some blood test to check if I have thyroid or any hormonal imbalance. Sounded like a logical thing to do.

We went to collect the blood test result the next visit. The results seemed to show that I have very high level of LH (luteinizing hormone). Versace told me that what he would like to do next was a laparoscopy. He explained that it will be an operation with 3 small incisions, one on both sides of my pelvic area, another on the belly button. A scope would be placed into my uterus via the belly button. This was to check if I had a cist, since my scan showed there’s some bulges around the ovaries, and my hormone wasn’t that balanced. An operation proposed on my second visit? Did he just buy a BMW which he wanted someone to sponsor? We were wary, so we said we had to think about it.

He said while we think about it, he wanted Daddy to provide a sample of his sperm for semen analysis to ensure the problem didn’t lie with him. I was surprised Daddy didn’t even protest, and agreed to do it (maybe because of the sexy toilet I told him about). We agreed to come back the following week to see Versace and check on Daddy’s result.

When we got out to the reception area, we paid and asked for the bottle for the semen analysis. The receptionist told us we have to go down to the lab to get the bottle, and submit our ‘specimen’ there. “You mean you don’t do it here in THAT sexy toilet?” I pointed to the toilet in the clinic. The lady just told me curtly, “NOPE”.

Alright, we were conned (up till today I still wonder, if THAT toilet was not meant to be used by men to collect their sperm, what were those provocative photos for? For Versace’s own private viewing? Or to encourage ‘dirty’ men to visit the gynae with their wives?). While walking to the lab, I asked Daddy if he was sure he wanted to do it. I was feeling embarrassed for him. Unlike a lot of other husbands who never wanted to do such tests for whatever reason (I think a lot to do with ego), Daddy was very cooperative. He said we needed to get to the root of the problem.

The person who dealt with us in the lab wouldn’t even look us in the eye, he just took the chit of paper from the Dr and passed a small bottle to Daddy. When we asked where we could do the deed, the person just pointed, still not looking at us, “There, in that public toilet over there”. We followed his finger, and found the toilet.

I peeked and saw that it was a very small cubicle, with a basin and a toilet bowl and probably it was just 5x4feet. A wisp of ammonia filled my nostril. Gosh, I can’t even do a dump here, let alone masturbate! I asked Daddy if he was sure about this. He nodded and went in bravely. I felt so sad for him, at the same time I was feeling so proud. He was willing to do this for US. How he managed to ‘do’ it, I don’t know (I was even knocking on the door to ask him if he needed help), he must have very good imagination; he came out 10mins later with the precious specimen. We left the hospital after sending the bottle in.

The following week when we visited Versace again, he told us Daddy’s result was good, so I must be the problem. Over the weekend, Versace probably bought something more expensive and needed more sponsorship. What he proposed next infuriated Daddy. He said I must immediately go for my laparoscopy, and if I didn’t do it soon and decide later, he threatened that he would do a 6 inches incision instead of a 3 (small) holes laparoscopy, so he could diagnose and fix the problem at the same time.

Daddy was crossed! He asked Versace what he meant by that. We didn’t even know the problem, and he’s already saying he would do a 6 inch incision on me. Their exchanging of words started getting louder and harsher. I was feeling uneasy about the whole thing. I told Versace we would think about it and dragged Daddy out.

We never returned.

Part 1 – The visits to the Back Lane Doctor

November 6, 2005 at 11:24 pm

Daddy and I got married end of 1998 after courting for 6years. We decided to try for a baby immediately since both of us were not that young any more. Little did we know it would take us another 6 years before we have a baby in our arms.

I never used to have regular menstrual cycle since I first got my period, in a year, sometimes, I only got 2 periods; but it never bothered me (less PMS, fewer ‘inconveniences’, why bother?). My mum brought me to see several gynaes about my ‘problem’, but I never really paid attention to what the Drs said, and the treatment was always to put me on the (contraceptive) pill to regulate my cycle, which I didn’t really take because the first time I took it, I put on ~ 10Kg in a month!

After close to a year of trying, with the irregular period and all, needless to say, we didn’t succeed. One of my close friend suggested that I go to this famous Dr in Pudu for treatment. She had an aunt who was not able to conceive after 7years of trying and after getting treated by this Dr, she had a baby.

Maybe I was very naïve, or I trusted this friend so much, I went to this run down Clinic for women in Pudu with her. The Dr was an elderly and suspicious looking man. One ultra sound scan on the belly, and he said he knew what my problem was. I had to come back the following week for a simple procedure.

Daddy, who was very doubtful, told me I needed to really find out what my problem was, what ‘procedure’ the Dr was talking about. I must be so desperate I had a row with him, I told him this was a good Dr, he had many success cases, we just had to trust him etc. He budged when he knew he wouldn’t be able to convince me.

I went back the next week with Daddy. When it was our turn to see the Dr, Daddy tried to ask the Dr what my problem was, and what he was going to do. The Dr mumbled something (which didn’t make sense to both of us), I stared at Daddy and whispered through seething teeth “I’m doing it!”.

What happened after was pretty frightening. I don’t know why I was so gullible and stubborn, and willing to go ahead with the Dr’s plan, whatever it was.

After he’d paid, Daddy was told to wait in the waiting room with all the rest of heavily made up, skimpily dressed ladies with multi coloured hair; while I was asked to take off all my clothings, and put on only a hospital robe, then I was brought into a room. The room was curtained into two sections. I was asked to lie down on a bed and propped my legs up. I saw on the other side of the curtain, another lady was propped up the same as me. I was getting scared, what the hell he was going to do to us propped up like that? I didn’t get to find out, because immediately after that, a mask was put over me, and I drifted off to unconsciousness.

When I woke up, I was already in a ward filled with other semi conscious ladies. I asked for Daddy. They went to get him. When he came in to join me, he looked worried. It has been more than 5hours since he waited. They wouldn’t let him see me before I awaken. What did the Dr do to me? Did he know? He said he didn’t. I didn’t as well. I only felt a pain in the abdomen area, and I knew I was bleeding down there, and I was still feeling dizzy, everything was still in a daze.

A nurse came to say I could leave now. We walked out of the ward, back into the Dr’s waiting area. I wobbled to the reception area and asked if we could see the Dr. The nurse said he was very busy, many patients more to see. We demanded to know what was done to me. The nurse mumbled something. “What is it? What is the procedure called?” I asked, flustered. She continued to mumbled something, a term we’d not heard before. I asked her to write it down to me. Because I was feeling really weak, we didn’t pursue the matter and went back home.

When we got back, we searched the net, we could not find anything on the ‘procedure’ done on me. I forgot what the term given to us was. I believed the term never existed. I suspected what had been done to me was a D&C; that the Dr was a famous Dr for getting rid of unwanted pregnancies.

Up till today, what really was done to me in that room remains a mystery. I never wanted to go back to that shit place. I never forgave myself for being so foolish. To think that I was once so stupid! What if something went wrong and I was never able to have a baby. What if he was a sick man who did things to his patients when they were knocked out. The terrible possibilities were there.

How it all started

November 6, 2005 at 11:18 pm

Zara is coming to 1year old, and it’s really a great joy having her.

As a ‘special’ for her coming one year old birthday, instead of writing about her birth story, I’ll write about how we ‘got’ Zara.

We tried many years to have a baby, and almost gave up hope. Here is how it all went, our 6 7 part journey to discovering and treating infertility and finally having Zara.

Since this is long ‘story’, I’ll post 1 part per day on top of my regular post (if there’s anything interesting happening).

Do read on if it interest you.

A Mother’s Prayer

October 11, 2005 at 8:09 pm

Although I’m a born Catholic, I’m never the real pious type. I went to the church because my parents made me go with them every Sunday. In fact, the last time I went to church for a mass, it was my wedding service, 7 years ago (My dad always tells me, my mum is turning in her grave because all her daughters have stopped going to church once they got married).

However, I DO believe in God, I try to do things/behave according to His teaching (at least I think I am). Every night, I will join my hands, and say a short ittle prayer before I go to sleep, my prayer goes something like this.

“Thanks for everything.
Please continue to let Zara be strong and healthy;
Protect her from any harm or danger (don’t let her fall, don’t let any bad people come close to her, don’t let her touch accidentally or intentionally any thing dangerous);
Guide me to be a better mother (don’t let me swear in front of her, don’t make me lose my temper with her, be patient with her, provide me with the wisdom to bring her up)”

And then, I’ll ask St Anne (as She’d done during my pregnancy).
“Please continue to guard over Zara”

I have nothing to ask for myself, because if Zara continues to be strong and healthy, and away from harm, I’m already most blessed.

1st Tag

October 6, 2005 at 1:54 pm

(it says 1st here because there’s another one coming)

Sue tagged me on 23rd September, I have promised to do my ‘homework’, but found it difficult to come out with 7 of everything. But anyway, here it is:

7 things I plan to do before I die :
1) Visit Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, Sahara Dessert, Ayers Rock with Zara & Daddy
2) Read all the books I bought (during those warehouse sales)
3) Watch all the VCDs/DVDs I bought from pasar malam/night market
4) Go Tracking in East Malaysia, track to the Pinacles, and climb Mount Kinabalu again.
5) Spend a month in a beautiful island
6) Take 1 year off work to spend time doing things I want to do
7) Take up an international cooking and baking class (Switzerland if got the $)
**wow (*hand slap forehead*), out of the 7 items 5 of them also need a lot of $$$$. 🙁

7 things I could do :
1) Learn to be a better mummy
2) Learn to be a patient wife
3) Help some poor and needy (via donation or volunteer work)
4) Not to swear in the presence of Zara
5) Move to a property within a gated community ($ again)
6) Work part time so that I can spend more time with Zara (looks like hard to achieve liao)
7) Find time to work out

7 celebrity crushes:
1) Brad Pitt
2) James Caviezel
3) Jackie Cheung
4) David Tao
5) Lihom
6) Hideki Saijo ???? (when I was a teenager)
7) Hiroyuki Sanada ???? (when I was a teenager. He looks so old already in Last Samurai)
**3, 4, 5 are not really ‘crush’ but I admire their talent

7 often repeated words/phrase:
1) Shit
2) nia seng
3) celaka
4) I love you (to Zara)
5) bloody
6) aiyoh
7) stupid

7 physical traits I look for in the opposite sex:
1) penetrating eyes
2) tall
3) nice luscious hair
4) good skin
5) big hands
6) nice smile
7) big frame (to protect me)
**wa, fits Daddy’s description

7 tags go to :
1) YL (you scratch my back, I scratch your back la, 2nd tag will be yours)
2) Ethylyn’s mama
3) Damien’s mama (sorry hor, need you to do another tag)

I’ll spare the rest with the easier tag.

If you don’t do also never mind la.. but it’s nice to know these *SEVENs* from you.

Mummy’s birthday

September 24, 2005 at 1:29 pm

Mummy’s birthday yesterday.
Ah Kong, Ah Kim, Samantha che-che, Alicia che-che, Teresa Yi-Yi, Uncle Misai Tan, Daddy, Kakak and I;
We all had dinner with her.

Funny dinner these big people had.
Ate in restaurant, but had to cook their own food
I can see them throwing balls, cubes, vege, green strings into this big pot of boiling water.
Then they sat back and waited.
When a lot of smoke came out from the pot, they used this spoon with net to take out the food, and dipped them into a bowl of something red before putting in their mouth.

I don’t know what those balls, green strings or the red thing in the bowl were .
Because mummy only gave me my porridge
And sometimes she scooped out some cubes of bean curd for me.
My food must be better, because every time mummy put a spoon of porridge in my mouth, she said “Yum Yum”

She let me play with the spoon with net for a while.
Before I could drop it on the floor to see how far the spoon will bounce or what noise it could make
Daddy quickly took away from me and said, “Don’t let her play with that”.

Since I had nothing to play with, I stood up on my chair to see what I can do standing up.
Daddy’s mouth gasped, mummy shouted “No No! Sit down! Sit down!”
Aw, these adults are such party poopers.
They can stand up to play with the big pot of boiling water, but I can’t stand up!

So I decided to scream and shout, and tried to squeeze some tears out from my tear glands.
It must have been a good performance, because people at other tables looked at me in awe
And threw glances at our table

And to reward me, kakak took me outside the restaurant for a walk
After that Teresa Yi Yi took me
And then Daddy’s turn.
Mummy said “You ‘yai yai’ ah!”.
Did she like my performance or not?
My doubts were clear, as mummy later hugged and kissed me and said she loves me.

Happy Birthday Mummy.
Next year when I can walk around, I will perform even better.

PS. By the way, Daddy didn’t wish mummy Happy Birthday, I heard him whispered to mummy some blood very expensive after he saw the bill. I wonder if they had blood just now.

Mummies Can’t Be Sick

August 7, 2005 at 7:56 pm

A bad cough crept into my system on Friday, followed with over all body ache. Yesterday, when we sent of Tuyam to the airport, it got worse. I started having a bad headache.

What timing! Here I was sending off my domestic helper cum baby sitter for her 1 month vacation, and the fever, cough virus eagerly came for a visit.

Without a maid, we couldn’t really care for Zara. I got weaker. I continued to nurse her (which I’m not sure if it was such a good idea under such condition), and tried to just watch over her while lying on the bed. Daddy, although is a good play mate, isn’t such a great child carer. We sent an SOS to mum in law. She agreed to help out and would stay a night at our place.

For the rest of the weekends, I laid in bed all the time with a very bad fever, and was vomiting out anything that I ate.

Mum in law was the one caring for Zara for the 2 days, but Zara was fretting a lot. She preferred mummy. Anytime when she was changed in the room, Zara would reach for me. After a feed, she would want to stay for a while near me, leaning her head on my chest, lying next to me playing with my fingers or my pendant.

I dare not give her kisses, worry that I may pass the virus to her, but couldn’t help giving her some cuddles and hugs.

You can’t be sick being a mum, the baby needs you, and nobody can replace you. This is even more true if you are still nursing the baby.

I was glad, I got better at night. Still weak, but my headache and vomiting had stopped. I didn’t know then that the week was going to be a long one…..

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