I wasn’t in one of my better moods because the day was long.
Daddy wasn’t home and I had to handle the 2 girls.

While reading to Zara, I tried to get her to read the words meant for toddlers on each page. A three words phase like A Big Nose, or A Big Mouth. Tried as I may, she wasn’t able to read them, even after I’d done the phonics part for her.

I blew my top and started raising my voice, telling her she wasn’t paying attention, nor was she trying. Our conversation went something like this.
I don’t know mummy
Zara, try. Bbbbb-ih-guh, you join the sounds and say it quickly what do you get?
I don’t know mummy
Bbbbb-ih-guh, B-I-G. BIG! Big what? *pointing to the picture of the nose*
I don’t know mummy *looking at my face*
*shouted*ZARA! LOOK AT THE BOOK, NOT AT MY FACE. I DON’T HAVE WORDS ON MY FACE!
*started crying*Mummy, don’t do like that mummy. I’m scared of you mummy.
READ! WHAT DOES THE WORDS SAY? (why was I pushing her so hard?)
*said this softly*Daddy never read like that mummy.
WAIT FOR YOUR DADDY TO COME BACK AND GO ASK YOUR DADDY TO READ TO YOU THEN. (why on earth did I say this?)
*sobbed*Mummy, I want you to read mummy.
THEN TRY TO READ THE WORDS
…

Boy, this went on for the whole reading session. You can imagine how my blood was boiling, and how upset Zara got.

When I cooled down later, I asked myself why I did what I did? I told her I was really sorry, and she hugged me and sobbed. I promised her and myself that I will try not to do this any more.

I’m not proud of what I did, actually I feel rotten. I’m writing this not to clear my concious but really I want to  record my promise to Zara and myself, and hope this will never happen again.

I’m so sorry Zara.