Both Daddy and I read a lot at home; in the house, we would rather read than to watch TV (we are one of the rare few who don’t subscribe to Astro or satellite TVbecause we’re quite stingy). When we do watch TV, it is mostly the news (for Daddy) and a movie (DVD) for me.

We introduced books to Zara as soon as she could sit up supported, her concentration span initially was of course very short, not being able to even sit through 1 or 2 pages of picture books. As her understanding of the language and her awareness of her surrounding increased, she starts being able to look at the pages for a longer period, and slowly begins to show more enthusiasm. The first book she really love was Baby, Boo! (the book that actually taught her how to kiss at 8 month old). After Baby, Boo! she seems to show more interest in books, even my novels (she likes to take it and flip the pages to check out what I was reading, probably wonder why I’m so engrossed in books without a single picture).

Every night, before she goes to bed, either Daddy or I will read her 2 books. Most of the time, we asked her to choose her books from her little library; sometimes when we’re bored reading to her the same book over and over again, to provide her with more variety, we picked the books instead.

Even when there’s no one to read to her, she sometimes would still flip a book and read to herself in her own language.

Here are a few of her book moments…

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I’m in the process of trying to wean Zara off breastfeeding. For her 1st year, the only milk she’d taken was just breast milk; except on the occasion when I was away for a week on business trip in May, and I didn’t have enough stocked up for her consumption.

To start off, I tried to introduce her to formula on days when my milk supply was low. I got Tuyam to supplement her with 1 or 2 oz of formula (Enfalac) after she’d taken the expressed breast milk. According to Tuyam, she had tossed the bottle away in anger when she tasted the milk to be different, refusing to take any, and survived on whatever I could provide (i.e. 3oz on some days per feed).

Zara does have discerning taste. I’d tried the formula myself, and I find that it’s absolutely yucky. Very strong iron taste, and so fake (chemical taste). I’m one who would like to know the taste of the food I put into Zara’s mouth, so I’d also tasted my own breast milk. I have to say the taste of breastmilk is absolutely heavenly, it’s creamy but with the right consistency and with a hint of sweetness. It’s not something I can describe, you have to taste it yourself to know what I mean, but I know most would just turn their noses the other way even if it was something you produced (the husbands too would probably not want to taste their wives’ milk).

The other day, I got a pack of of Enfagrow A+ (Honey) sample, and I thought this would probably taste better than the Enfalac. So I got Tuyam to start giving Zara some on days where I could only express less than 4oz per feed. Zara took this better than the Enfalac, according to Tuyam, which is good.

Today, while at home, Zara has been coming to me every 2 hours and asking for milk. “Huh Huh (her pronunciation for ‘milk milk’)! Huh Huh!” she had her head on my chest. One of my breasts was bitten by her 2 days back, and there’s actually a cut, every time she nursed I had to bite my lips and endure the pain, as one of her teeth would just sink right into the wound, the feeling is exactly like rubbing salt to a wound. *ouch* I cringed every time she wanted to nurse.

When she asked for her 4th feed at lunch time, I just told her, “Mummy no more milk milk, you want bottle?” just to test the water. She didn’t shake her head, but instead started chanting “Bottle! Bottle!” I quickly got Tuyam to sterilise her bottle and made her 2oz of formula, and then went into hiding. After 5 minutes, Tuyam came to tell me she’d finished the milk.

After lunch, she again came to me for milk (another cringe). I asked her if she wanted the bottle? Again, she didn’t shake her head. This time, I made the formula instead, and tried feeding her, but she wouldn’t take it from me. She just pushed the teat out every time I placed it in her mouth. After a few tries and she didn’t suck on the bottle, I got Tuyam to feed her instead, and I sat next to them. She refused to take, and gave me that sheepish smile. I thought maybe I should again go into hiding. After Tuyam assured her a few times that I wasn’t around and with her sticking out her head to scan the living room to confirm I wasn’t around, she started sucking on the teat, and took another 2oz.

When I reappeared after she’d finished, she again had this sheepish smile, as though feeling embarrassed that she’d taken formula milk. Maybe she was worried it would hurt my feelings.

After this feed, the bottle trick won’t work any more. Every time she wanted her feed and I said “you want bottle?” She just shook her head and started groping for my breasts. So I couldn’t put off nursing her any longer, and just have to endure the pain *frown*, again, and again, and again(3 more feeds till she slept *ouch*).

On a happier note, I’m glad she’d started accepting formula, which means I could slowly wean her off now. This is my first step. The 2nd step is to prepare myself emotionally. Breastfeeding is a bond I have with her, will I be able to cope when we no longer share this bond?

Since Zara could walk very well now, and prefers to walk about on her own without her hand being held; and because I’m getting old I have no energy to run after her, and I don’t normally bring my maid along to look after her while I do my shopping, I have to find a solution to make sure she’s always within a perimeter I want her to be.

This is my solution :

She takes it very well. Happy to reach her hand out for me to strap the wrist strap on her, and doesn’t mind the confined area she could roam. However, people around her wasn’t as optimistic.

Samantha, “She’s like a dog”
My reply, “No, she’s not, it’s just like holding on to her hand”
Alicia, “My mummy (King’s Wife) never used that on me”
My reply, “Because last time you have Aunty Nora (their previous maid) chasing after you every time we go out”
(And they happily helped me to hold on to the harness with Zara leading the way after this)

And you get passerby throwing glances at the evil mother me, and they try to discreetly point to our directions and get their companion to look our way as well.

The worst of the lot comes from, who else, but Daddy.
Daddy: *anger tone* Why are you doing this to her?
Me : Why not?
Daddy : She’s like a dog on leash
Me : Who said so. This is to keep her within a safe distant even if she wanted to run about
Daddy : *still in anger tone* You are using it only because you bought it
Me : *roll eyes and speak slowly* I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO USE IT.
Daddy : She looks so stupid
Me : *really, what is his problem?* She doesn’t! I don’t have the energy to run after her. If you have, I remove the strap, you go chase after her than.
Daddy : Sure! I’ll do that.

Yeah right.. After few minutes playing catching with Zara, he started carrying her. I guess, that’s easier than chasing after her right?

I don’t see what is really wrong with using a harness on Zara. It allows her to roam freely, but within a safe distant from me. It makes sure that even if I was engrossed with browsing at something in the shop, she won’t run away and get lost.

Is it really that cruel? I hope I won’t just succumb to pressure and toss the harness away.

After Zara took her first step 3 months ago, she has been trying to perfect the skill of walking. I was even very worried the first few weeks about her falling and hurting herself (especially face down), but seeing how fast she mastered the skill, my worry was quite unnecessary.

From a slithering crawler, she merely crawled with her tummy lifted for a while, and then moved on to her two feet. At first, she got lots of help from furniture, and human bodies, and then she slowly ventured into longer distant without holding on to anything for support.

In the living room, we see her charted distance increasing. From coffee table to sofa; then from the coffee table to the kitchen entrance (she supported herself holding on to the wall), and then she started walking all around without support, all these in the span of two and the half months.

I used to count how long she could support herself in her wobbly two feet before falling; and I forgot when she started standing, without falling any more.

Things we took for granted I can see her trying to master it with lots of effort and determination, like an adult learning how to ski. She fell, picked herself up, continued to walk on; fell again, pulled herself up, walked on. Our heart skipping a beat every time she fell, ever ready to rush to her and pull herself up, almost too tempted to support her all the time. It was a balance of helping ONLY when required; near her (to catch her if she fell) but never too close to hold her that has helped her moved on.

She now walks with confidence, going every where on her two feet freely, able to maneuver shallow steps, and with her hand holding on for support, able to go up stairs too. She can squat down, kneel, pull herself back up with much dexterity.

She used to hold our hands when we went out for walks, but during the weekend, she seemed to want to roam freely without our help. When we held her hand, she actually pried it off with her other hand and let herself loose.

Now she’s master the skill, she wants no one to help and support her, she wants to do it all by herself, walking like adults do.

We spent the night at King’s Wife’s place, yet again, since Daddy was away.

Zara and I took the guest’s maid’s room as usual, and both Tuyam and King’s Wife’s maid took the girls’ room next to ours. After tucking Zara in at 9:30pm, and making sure she has pillows all around her to prevent her from accidentally falling, I went downstairs to the study to do some blog surfing.

I told Tuyam that I needed to ‘work’, and asked her to ‘listen out’ for Zara’s cry in the adjoining room when she went to bed.

There I was happily blog surfing, without Daddy or King’s Wife waiting for their turn. At about 11pm, I could hear some noises, a bit like wailing, penetrating the quiet night. The first thing I thought was ‘ghost’ (I’m always very scared to be downstairs alone when everybody is asleep, even in my own home). I could feel a chill down my spine. I stopped what I was doing, and tried to listen again. Shit! It was coming from upstairs, not ghost, but Zara crying! I quickly ran upstairs. The sound of her cry grew louder and louder as I ascended the stairs.

When I entered the room, I found Zara standing on the floor in the dark room. She probably had already been crying for a while, because her voice was coarse. I quickly scooped her up, turned on the lights, almost in a panic, wondered if she’d fallen from the bed and hurt herself.

“Zara, did you fall down?” Of course she didn’t know how to reply. She continued crying! I checked her head, no bumps no red patches, don’t think she knocked her head.
“Zara, where pain pain?” I asked her. She pointed to her chest. Her way of signing to indicate some where is hurting. I went on to check her arms, her legs, but there’s no sign that she’s hurt.
“Zara, scared scared or pain pain?” I asked further. She started patting her chest, an indication to say she’s scared.
“Mummy so sorry, mummy shouldn’t have left you alone in the room.”

All these while of ‘communicating’ to me, she was still crying, and shouting on top of her lungs. I carried her out of the room, so that I have more space to walk about and calm her.

Tuyam then stuck her head out from the girls’ room, “Nangis ya?” (Malay: Crying, is it?)
There was this very strong desire to lash at her, but because I have a wailing baby to calm, I just responded angrily, “You tak dengar ke?” (Malay: You didn’t hear it?).
“Tak, mari saya dukong” (Malay: No, come, let me carry her), she replied.
I just stared at her and said, “You balik tidur la, dia mana mahu you sekarang?” (Malay: You go back to sleep, she won’t want you now).
She stuck her head back into the room, and closed the door.

When Zara cried like this, it is very difficult to calm her. I patted her, rocked her, pacing up and down the corridor. She had her head leaning on my shoulder all the time, but she was still crying. I went back to the room and thought of lying her on the bed to nurse her, but the minute I lifted her away from my body, she wailed loudly. I kept calming her, “Mummy is here, don’t worry, mummy won’t leave you.” However, she just won’t let me separate her body from mine.

I started singing her lullaby, “Hush Little Baby don’t say a word, mummies going to buy you…..” She started calming down, still crying, but more of a sob, head still on my shoulder.

When I finished the song, I stopped and tried to lay her back on the bed again. She looked at me with teary eyes, and pointed her finger to her palm (her MORE sign). So I sang, again and again and again, every time I tried to stop, she would do the MORE sign.

After singing like 10times, I slowly placed her back on the bed, she didn’t protest now, but her hands clung to one of my arm, as though afraid I would leave her. So I laid next to her, arms around her, and patted her, kept telling her it’s alright, her sobs slowly turned to sniffles, and then she fell asleep, still with hands firmly around my arm.

I felt so very bad for the rest of the night, not knowing if she’d fallen or climbed down the bed on her own; not sure her cry was due to pain or fear, or probably both. What a bad mummy I’d been, placing her alone in the dark room and went blog surfing. I need to make sure my Baby Monitor is with me if I ever needed to leave her like that again.

Zara is spending too many hours or nights sleeping in our bed with us. I really don’t mind her sleeping with us, but our bed is a Queen size bed, and she’s growing bigger, and tossing and turning more in the middle of the night. We have to squeeze ourselves to the sides of the bed so that she has more room in the middle.

On a normal day, after I’d nursed her, I would lie on the bed with her until she’s asleep. I would then carry her and placed her in her cot. If she woke up in the middle of the night, she would sit up, and start faking a cry. I have to then carry her to our bed, she normally will immediately fall back asleep when sandwiched between us, waking up only in the morning. This (wanting to come to our bed) can happen anytime from 1:30am to 5:30am.

Yesterday, I tried to ‘train’ her to fall asleep in her cot. After nursing her, she’s dopey and almost going to knock off; I put her into her cot. The minute she was laid down, she opened her eyes, her hand reached out for me. I said, “Zara big girl already, sleep on your own ok?”.

She sat up, tears welling up, and then the crying started. “Wah, Wah, Wah!”. Very pitiful, her eyes following me.

I told her, “mummy’s bed is just next to you, you want mummy, mummy will come, but today you sleep on your own ok?”

“Wah! Wah! Wah!” was her replied. Tears were flowing down, by now, she stood up and her arms reaching for me.

I tried to be firm, and said, “Zara sleep on your own, mummy hold your hands, you lie down and sleep.” She shook her head (NO NO NO). I laid her back down and held her hand. She sat up again, this time howling, and occasionally, not sure if it was acting, she made the vomiting sound, as though she’s going to puke if I don’t pick her up soon.

Gosh, what am I to do now? The books said I should lay her down firmly, and tell her it would be ok, and be nearby so she can see me. But look at her, I can’t do it. My mind working to look for an answer. Ok, Ok, I’ll compromise. I carried her up. Immediately, she laid her head on my shoulder, the howling stopped, but she was still sobbing. I said, “mummy pat pat you, then you go back to sleep in the cot ok?”. After the word has spoken, she raised her head, shook it, and started crying again.

Ok ok, comfort her first. I started patting her again, and she calmed down. When I thought she was calmed, I put her back into the cot, and said, “Good girl, Zara, sleep on your own ok?”. The howling started again. This repeated a few times.

Daddy heard the commotion and came in to kay-poh(nosy) investigate. “What happened?” He asked. “Trying to train her to sleep on her own, but she’s making a fuss.” I replied. “Aiya, just let her sleep with us then.” Zara saw Daddy to the rescue and started making the vomiting sound again, “URK! WAH WAH WAH! URK”.

Ok, I give up! I put her down on our bed. Miraculously, the tears stopped, but she still looked at me pathetically, it’s like giving me the “aren’t you going to sleep with me like you always do?” look. Ok, ok. I laid down next to her, and immediately, she wrapped her arms around mine, still sniffing, but drifting off to sleep.

Zara 1, Mummy 0. Aigh.
See, the small space I have to sleep on every night.

Daddy doesn’t read my blog that frequently, if he did, he always have something to say, either I could improve on my English, or my English has been improved, or the photos are nice etc. etc. I always just rolled my eyes and pretended I didn’t hear anything when he made comments.

This time, he was looking at the birthday and the milestone post, and this conversation took place (based on my memory because it happened last week).

D: *folded his arms, stood at the back of me, watching the the screen* Wah, you put so many photos on your blog?
M: Yeah, nice hor?
D: Nice, but there are photos of our house, our faces
M: *roll eye* (what is his problem?) So?
D: Zara is getting older already. You should stop posting photos of her in your blog. *saw my eyes rolling* I mean, you can still blog, but just don’t put photos
M: Part of making the blog interesting is the photos, and I love photo blogging.
D: You don’t know what kind of people out there who are reading your blogs.
M: And?
D: And these people may be weird, and may stalk Zara..
M: People who read my blogs are parents themselves la. Aiyo! *slapped my hand on my forehead*
D: They may pretend to be parents.
M: …. *my eyeballs are fully white by now* We have met some of them in the bloggers’ meet ma
D: Those you know are genuine (Twinsmum, Egghead, Sue, Loc Kee, 1+2mum confirmed genuine parents), but you don’t know if there are any weird ones lurking out there.
M: You have to take the fun out of everything huh?
D: I’m just telling you, just be careful, especially now she’s older. *walked off*
M: *pointed middle finger at his back*

I’m not sure if any of you feel threatened by posting your kids’ photos on your blog, or even posting your own. Or if you chose to remain anonymous (photo wise), what was the reason. I never thought about it like Daddy did, but Daddy is always worry about too many unnecessary things.

So if one day I stopped posting Zara’s photos, it could only mean that my censorship board has started tightening his grip on my blog.

Nurse













Read












Play






And the latest addition, brushing her teeth with toothpaste at the sink..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I used to brush her without toothpaste in the earlier months, but I thought I should start her with toothpaste since she has 6 teeth now, and is eating lumpier and more fibrous food. She seems to enjoy it a lot. She is swallowing the water used to rinse her mouth even when I’d asked her to spit it out; I think it’s because she likes the bubble gum taste of the Oral B kid’s tooth paste.

Am I too early in brushing her teeth with toothpaste, especially since she’s eating the toothpaste instead of spitting out? When did you start your kid on tihs routine?

Here is how dining with Zara has evolved.

0 to 5th month
When we had dinner, we let her sit in her infant carrier with some interesting things to examine. She was happy.

5th to 6th month
She’d started solids, and able to sit supported.
When we had dinner, we put her in the high chair, one hand supporting her back, the other spooned food to our own mouth and hers.
We gave her something interesting to hold, she would bang the something on the table or chair noisily, and she was happy.

7th month
She’s able to sit on her own.
We just had to give her some sound making toys, or something extremely interesting to occupy her during dinner time. She would sit in the high chair making music by banging the items on the table or chair, or dropping them on the floor (to hear what sound they could make).
We had to take turns to eat, because feeding her, controlling the noise she was making (when other diners threw us glances) picking up the things she dropped was a full time job!

8th – 9th month
She started cruising.
She was not keen to sit still. If she had to, she would be dropping things on purpose, fretting to get out of the chair, or kept demanding for things beyond her reach (like the mobile phone, soya sauce bottle we placed out of her reach on purpose)!
We had to take turns to eat. Feeding her, picking up things she dropped, as well as pushing things further away from her reach was a very full time job and require a higher skill level(I wish I was an octupus)!

10th month
She started walking, and climbing.
Trying to keep her seated on the high chair is a big chore. She’s not that interested in her food, preferred to be on the floor walking. If we had to keep her in her chair, she would try to climb out of it, danger was not a concept she understood.
Definitely, there’s no way we could have a peaceful meal together. We had to take turns to bring her for walks, or if she still had not finished eating, we had to use 1 hand to force her down on her chair, and the other hand to spoon food into her mouth as well as push things out of her reach.

11th month
She started having a keen interest to participate during meal times.
She would sit in her chair, demands for her own set of cutlery (if none, she’ll just climb out of the chair skillfully and grab the nearest set), and then using the fork, spoon or chopstick she will reach for other people’s plate. She will also use her hand to grab rice from neighboring plates.
So, to prevent her for robbing people’s food, we let her have her own plate and spoon and put some rice in her plate. While we’re feeding her her actual food, she’ll pick up and push lumps of rice into her own mouth with her hand. Sometimes, even offering her food to us (which we have to pretend to eat or she’ll get crossed).
We could finally eat together again as a family. The after dinner mess however is another problem.

This is an exaggerated pic (not her), but it’s close to how she looks like after dinner… I wonder what is in store for us for the coming months.

Zara signing ‘MORE’ in the attached photo:

I first heard about signing with babies when I was searching for some books in Amazon.com, and stumbled upon books on this topic, so I looked up websites and did some research.

Why do you sign to babies? “It is a fact that infants develop the fine muscles in their hands before they develop those required for speech, so they’re equipped to communicate with you before they can speak“, there are some very good websites who give you some insight to this.

I for one, got very frustrated when I could not understand what Zara was crying or asking for. She was 7 months then. At the period where she could not speak, but already had her demands(by crying).

I went to the ASL (American Sign Language) Site, looked at the video on how to do certain signs, and started signing to Zara. I tried to do the essential one like milk, drink, eat.

It wasn’t easy to let Zara associate the signs with the words, even more difficult because my maid was her main care giver during the day. Although I’d instructed her to sign to Zara when Zara was offered milk, a drink of water or food to eat, I could not ensure she did that since I was not around to check on her. When I signed to Zara during the time I took care of her, she seemed to look at me in amusement, not taking my ‘signing’ seriously.

The initial attempt failed.

As Zara grew older, she’s more firm with her demands, she gets a bit frustrated when none of us are able to tell what she’s saying or asking for. So I tried signing again. This time, I didn’t get my maid to help, because if she did it wrongly, it’ll only confuse Zara more.

I’d used a few signs with her, two of the signs she picked up quickly are more (2 hands come together), and no more (turn the wrist with palm stretched out). Her version of more is pointing her finger to her other palm (like doing dim-choong-choong ???). She tells me she wants more by doing this action, e.g. she wants more bubble blowing, food, reading, singing, etc.

Her signing came to very good use the other night. After breast feeding her from both breast, she pointed her finger to her other palm (she wants more), then pointed to my breast, and turned her wrist with palm stretched out (but I have no more milk), and then started fussing and repeated the gesture (my milk supply reduced because of the time of the month).

I quickly made her 2 additional oz of formula milk. Although she eventually just took a few drips (yes ‘drips’, not even ‘sips’) of milk from the bottle (she only has tasted formula milk on 2 or 3 occasions, so probably not used to the taste), she seemed to be happy that I understood her, and went to sleep blissfully.

I’m still in the midst of introducing more signs to her. Hopefully, it’ll help more with our communications.