A couple of months back, Channel blogged about Miabambina’s online shop which specialises in cloth diapers. It got me interested, I went to check out the site as well as Miabambina’s blog; asked a few questions and few days later, I ordered my cloth diapers.

I ordered 4 pieces from her (3 pieces of Drybees and 2 pieces of Bumgenious), and also included 2 extra inserts. Just to give you some information, these cloth diapers are washable and reusable. It has valcro fastener, and comes in some really cool colours and nice designs. To use the diaper, just slip in the absorbant insert into the diaper pocket. It’s pretty simple. The absorbant insert will absorb all the pee, while the diaper suedecloth inner keeps the baby dry. Because the diaper is pretty light weight,  2 hours of sunning will dry it after a wash. The insert itself takes a while to dry, that’s why I bought extra for cloudy days.

They don’t come cheap, each diaper is about ~RM75 with insert, it’s however more eco friendly; and in the long run, I will save some money from having to buy disposable diapers.

Zaria is fully on cloth diaper in the day when we’re home. She only uses disposable diapers in the night as well as when we go out (just because I don’t want to carry a soiled diaper home if she did a poo). She’s comfortable in it, makes her bum very well padded, which also makes her look rather cute!

The only problem I have with this is that Zaria is allergic to the suedecloth inner of the diaper (which is in contact with her skin), she had some rashes when we started using the cloth diaper. This was very quickly resolved with us lining the diaper with a piece of nappy liner (which cost very little).

I should have discovered this when Zara was still on diaper, then I would really save money big time! For those of you who have young babies, you may want to consider cloth diapering as well.

Zaria and her cloth diaper, in retro pink, baby pink and celery green

We talk to Zara a lot since she was born, pointing out things to her and naming them, speaking out an action, even though she was still a baby.

“Mummy is changing your clothes now.. Put your right hand in, put your left hand in.”
“We are in our room now. See, that’s the light switch. Now press on it. See, the light is turned on.” etc etc.

And then for the first 18months, she went to King’s Wife’s place at least 3 days a week, she has her cousins talking to her. 

Now that she’s older, we still talk to her a lot and we encourage her to describe things to us.
If she says, “Mummy, Mr Blue (is) very happy.”
(Don’t let it end) “Tell mummy why is Mr Blue happy.”
“Because me just feed Mr Blue.”
(Corrected her) “I just fed Mr Blue.”
*repeated “I just fed Mr Blue.”
(Don’t let it end yet) “What did you feed Mr Blue?”
“Me give Mr Blue some macaroni and cheese.”
(Corrected her and make sure she repeated after me. Then continueed to get her to talk) “Who cooked the Macaroni and Cheese for Mr Blue.
Zara replied.
Probed further “What did you put in the macaroni and cheese”
Zara replied.
…… depending on how much time I have and what I’m doing, the conversation can go on, but normally we don’t let her conversation end at the very 1st line.

Nowadays, she talks a lot, and she describes things she’s doing aloud.
“Mummy, you wearing stripey baju (Malay : clothes) today huh?”
“Kakak, you put the cup here? After the sofa wet, Daddy come home scold you then you know.”
*sniffing the air* “Somebody frying fish. Maybe it’s spicy, I don’t know.” etc etc.

Now with Zaria, I don’t have the luxury. Her chatter box jiejie is always nearby. When I’m feeding Zaria and want to talk to her, Zara will come and ask me questions, or just talk to me, especting a response.
When I sing or talk to Zaria, Zara will be near by adding in her comments, or in turn asking me questions, also expecting a response.

Our new maid who is looking after Zaria while I’m working is very quiet (another gold in the mouth type). She walks around with Zaria in her arms queitly, and when she plays with Zaria, it’s just rattling a toy in front of her, without uttering a word.

Zaria doesn’t get as much “talk time” as Zara did and still does. It’s too early to tell, but I wonder if she’ll be talking later than Zara because of this.

I’m pro-breast feeding, I know there are lots of benefit for the mums (reduce risk in breast cancer, getting back in shape faster, savings on future medical expenses etc) and the babies (better immunity, better DHA absorption). I enjoy feeding the kids, the way they look at you when they suckle, the smile they give you after they are full. The most satisfying feeling I have is knowing I’m the nutrient provider for my kids, I’m in control! For Zara I did it until I was conceived with Zaria, i.e. when Zara was 18months. And with Zaria, I plan to at least do it for 1 year, and see how we go from there.

As much as I enjoy it, it’s not all rosy though. Here is the ugly side which I experienced. (Potential breast feeding mums out there, you know you are not alone if you too experienced this when you start breast feeding your kids)

1) Painful nipples for the first few days – Some people stop breast feeding because of the pain. I thought it would be better the 2nd round, but since I’d stopped for 6months before Zaria arrived, the nipples got tender again. I had to bite my lips and endure the pain, and I could see the layer of skin coming off, sometimes pieces of them found in Zaria’s lips. Blech.
Luckily, it was only for 2, 3 days and the nipples ‘toughened’.

2) Rock hard super big breasts – I don’t mind being super big (think 2 cup size increase the least), but when you get an engorgement, fuyoh, the breasts become rock hard (and of course big) and pretty uncomfortable until they are emptied! After Zaria drank from one side, I can see my 2 obviously different size breasts, a funny sight!

3) Block Ducts – Hate it, but it happens sometimes. I have to put warm AND cold compress on the breast, massage it, COMB it (supposed to unblock the duct). Daddy won’t help to un-clog it, but he wouldn’t mind bringing the warm and cold towels.

3) Breast leak – I used reusable breast pads for economic reasons (disposable pads per pair are more expensive than a piece of Mami Poko diaper!). When Zaria feeds, and let down happens, the other breast will start to leak big time. My breast pad can’t hold the milk, and it sips through the bra and I get a wet patch on my top. Oh boy, not a pretty sight especially when I’m out.

Sometimes in the night, the breasts get so engorged that they start to leak even though there’s no feeding taking place. I wake up feeling a cold draft on my chest, caused by a big wet patch; and I get milk stain on my bed sheets and bolster. The room smells of milk!

4) Can’t be away from the baby too long – We sometimes leave Zaria at home and go out with just Zara in tow. Maybe this is a good thing, I can’t be away from Zaria for more than 6 hours (i.e. 2 feeds). If we do go out, I have to pump before we leave the house, and pump again immediately after I get home. If we leave her longer than that, my breast will get engorged and uncomfortable, and I can’t pump when I get home as it’s too near Zaria’s next feeding time (or she’ll not have enough to drink during her feed).

5) Pump and Pump and Pump – I like to direct feed more than pumping out. But if we need to go out, or if I need to go to the office, I have to pump. I hate it more when I come back from an outing, no matter how tired and sleepy and late, I have to pump; just so the bottle of milk taken can be replenished (and also to maintain supply). Zzzzzzzz.

And have you seen the nursing clothes available in Malaysia? Totally utterly ugly! So I just wear normal clothes and when I have to breast feed in public, I’ll cover myself with a nursing cape.

I find I have more peace with the kids sleeping next to me.

Although Zaria has her cot (away from our bed), I prefer her to sleep with us on our queen size bed. I place her nearer to my side of the bed, and I’ll just squeeze into Zara’s bed and share hers in the night. That way, Daddy sleeps more comfortably, Zara is happy to be able to hug me like a bolster to sleep and I get to check on Zaria in the night.

Every night, I have Zaria on my right, and Zara on my left. Before I go to bed, I look at both of them soundly asleep, and I feel blissful.

I married a man who’s very ‘spontanous’. When we were dating, we would meet up with no plans in mind, and then suddenly he would be heading to Genting Highlands, with me in shorts and a sleeveless top. He has not changed even now that we have kids.

We wanted to take the kids for a holiday before I started work. So, on Saturday 1am, still surfing on the net, wanting to know where we should go for the w/end. Port Dickson? Cameron Highlands? Penang?

On Saturday morning, when the kids are all bathed and dressed up, I still didn’t know if we were going anywhere.
Me : Are we going any where or not?
Daddy: I thought we’re going to Fraser’s Hill?
Me : *Were we?* So? Confirmed?
Daddy said: Let’s pack first, we can always decide later

We packed a few pieces of clothings, and started our journey. The 2 kids, Daddy and I (NO MAID, crazy enough). In the car, we had to stop at the toll gate, still considering where to go.

At 5pm, we were at Fraser’s Hill. I was feeling queezy from the journey up hill, and hastily booked the first hotel that we came across, Shahzan Inn Resort. We realised, with 2 kids now, we actually need bigger room. We got a family room with 1 queen bed and 1 single. The room is basic, and very worn out, with smelly pillow and musky carpet.

There’s really not much Fraser’s Hill can offer to family with young kids. We went out for a walk, and stopped at a play ground for Zara to play. The air was cooling and fresh, but because we had to walk along roads meant for cars (since we have Zaria in a pram), inhaling some exhaust fumes was unavoidable. Kids were good during dinner, and we managed to eat without much problem.

On Sunday, we went to the Paddock in the morning, a place where Zara could ride a horse; and then headed to The Smoke House for a bite. Daddy shared a cheese sandwich with Zara, and I had the famous Dorset Tea (2 scones and a cup of tea). Scones was creamy and nice, but they actually used frozen whipped cream instead of fresh clotted cream. Sigh.

(Clockwise) : Zara at the play ground; Zaria sleeping (most of the time) in the pram; Ocassionally, Zaria wakes up to take in the view; Zara chasing chickens in the Paddock

(Clockwise) : With Zara on the horse; The sisters; Zara playing in the fields (and falling down, staining her t)

(Clockwise) : Zara on The Smokehouse swing; The famous Dorset Tea; Zare enjoying the garden in The Smokehouse; Zara being loving

Since there isn’t much else we can do at Fraser’s, we headed down hill after our meal. While driving towards home, Daddy asked if we should stop by Bukit Tinggi. However, it seems Genting Highlands is on the way, instead of Bukit Tinggi.
Me : So Genting Highlands then?
Daddy: Yeah, why not?
Me : Staying over?
Daddy: The kids have enough clothes?
(they did, but I didn’t prepare them for the cold)

So by 6pm on Sunday, we were checking into the newly refurbished Resort Hotel in Genting Highlands.

I don’t know why we never brought Zara to Genting Highlands before, this was really an over due trip. With its theme parks available, Zara really had a wonderful time; and best of all, for the Outdoor Theme Park, she got in for free because she’s still not 90cm tall yet. We tried to go on most of the family rides together, I have Zaria on the carrier, and Daddy handled Zara. It was a lot of fun.

Genting Indoor Theme Park at night : Fun for Zara

Genting Outdoor Theme Park in the day : More fun for Zara, but I didn’t want Zaria to miss out the fun too

The worst bit – for dinner on Sunday, Zaria cried the whole 1hr we were dining. I had to rock her on 1 arm, and tried to scoop slippery kuey-teow (flat rice noodle) into my mounth with the other hand. Luckily Zara was behaving, with Daddy helping her to some chicken wings.

Ok ok, now since we didn’t really get ourselves prepared for the cold weather in Genting Highlands, and Zaria is too young to handle the cold like Zara, I have to improvise. For day, I put on Zaria’s long sleeve overall over her short sleeve romper, and for night, even without the fan on and the window all closed up, it’s still freezing cold in the room, Zaria hands were cold and she wasn’t able to sleep until I dressed her up like this.

On top of her long sleeve overall, she had her socks as gloves, Zara’s socks as added warmth for her feet and my t-shirt became her sleeping bag

What a fun trip it was!

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Answer for previous post :
Top Left and Bottom right Zaria, Top Right and Bottom Left Zara.

My long time friend Ah Pek asked me to do this meme/tag. I haven’t been doing tags for a long long time, but for him, I’ll oblidge especially since it’s some thing close to my heart.

What he mentioned in his post is definitely what I feel too, and on top of this, here are what I wish for my girls..

1) That they will be strong and healthy
2) That they will be protected from having any major accidents and mishaps
3) That they will not be targets of any psychopath or people with evil intentions
4) That they will grow up to be good people
5) That they will find happiness in being a doctor, lawyer, or marrying a rich man whatever they do

I would like to tag Eve, WMD, Michelle, Jasmine and Simple American

I have more patience with Zaria since she’s still so little, but very little patience with Zara.
Zara’s language ability and maturity makes us treat her like a 4yr old, and we assume she should behave like one (our fault!).
I keep reminding myself that she’s only two plus and we shouldn’t expect too much from her. She still needs lots of cuddling and time with us. I always feel so sorry when I loose my patience with her.

She’s crying so much these days, always expecting to see me next to her when she wakes up from her sleep.
When people come to the house bringing gifts for Zaria, the moment she spots the gift, tears will well up in her eyes.
For a month, she has kept her diaper dry almost daily/nightly (only the occasional “I forgot” situations). She does both her big and small business on the toilet bowl; ONLY wants me to help her and cries when she has to go to the toilet badly but I’m not able to assist her.
She asks me to carry her constantly, and when I can’t, sometimes she cries too.
If I’m nursing Zaria, she wants me to hold her hand at the same time.

Yesterday, when I was changing Zaria’s diaper, Zara wanted to be carried.
I said impatiently, “Zara, let mummy finished changing mei-mei first ok?”
For a while she was quiet, then she started crying.
Daddy asked her what happened, did she fall down etc.
She said in between her sobs, “Mummy don’t sayang (Malay : love) Zara any more”
Aiyo.. it broke my heart to hear that and I have to stop what I was doing, gave her a hug and reassured her that I love her very much. I also explained to her that because meimei is still small, I need to spend a lot of time nursing her and changing her diaper, since Daddy can’t do these (Daddy is totally hopeless with new born). I told her when I’m done with all these, I’ll spend time with her. Then the below conversation took place.
Me : “Why Zara think mummy don’t love Zara any more?”
Zara : “Because mummy always smack Zara”
Me : “Huh? Mummy long time never smack Zara already woh. (yeah, yeah, I used to smack her, but I tried not to these days, and have not been doing it)
Zara : “Because mummy always scold Zara”
Yup! I do, I scold her often because I always loose my patience with her.
Me : “Ok, ok. Mummy say sorry yeah. Mummy try not to scold Zara any more ok?
Zara : “And Zara be good girl.”

Today, after nursing Zaria, I told her we can go and play with bubbles. She was so happy and said, “Yeh! Mummy finished feeding meimei, now can spend time with Zara already!”

This girl, she’s just so sensative. And me, I really need to be more patient!

Bubble Time

Zaria 
At  6 week old, she has established a routine which is very close to the family’s. I thank God for this.
She wakes up in the morning, and entertains herself (I’d seen her kicking her legs quietly in the mornings). When she hears us waking up, i.e. the talking, the foodsteps in the house, she’ll call/cry out to us, to be acknowledged/carried or nursed.
She spends the day in between sleeping and waking. When she’s hungry, she will call out instead of crying. Normally when Zara and myself nap, she’ll also be napping with us or quietly kicking her legs or punching her fists keeping herself occupied.
From 6pm to 10pm, she becomes more demanding and wants body contact; she wants to be carried, or to be on the breast. This is when she cries the most, especially when we put her down. Dinner time is a bit challenging for us with Zara and Zaria both requiring attention at the same time. 
When it’s bed time, she takes light out as a que. After nursing her, and given Zara her milk, lights will be turned off. She’ll quietly lie on the bed, dozing off to sleep.
She gets up once in the night, and another early in the morning to feed. Actually, she doesn’t cry out to be nursed, she just shuffles on the bed; being a light sleeper, I’ll wake up and feed her. (I’m thinking of ignoring the shuffling once she goes pass this week, since Zara stopped waking up to be nursed at 6th week).

Zara
It has been rather challenging caring for Zara since Zaria’s arrival.
She will have stomach aches when I’m nursing Zaria. She gets into accidents a lot like knocking her head on the dining table while walking, falling down from the sofa, tripping on things etc.
She says things like, “I smack meimei yeah because she’s so naughty.” (when Zaria cries).
“I want to fry kakak until kakak becomes krok-krok (crunchy), and then I (will) eat kakak”
“Kakak you go home to Indonesia loh.”
“Daddy, that’s my bed, go away.”
(she doesn’t use such words with me though)
She cries a lot and the trigger can be something very minute (e.g. Can’t pull out a book from the shelf; I need to be in the study blogging working; she wakes up and I’m not next to her).
In the night, she will stay up until I’d finished nursing Zaria, and wants me to cuddle her to sleep.

We started toilet training her (should have done this before Zaria came). Since last week, she’d only poo-ed in the toilet bowl, and sometimes if she remembers to tell us, she pees in the toilet bowl too. She wants me to be the one who help her with using the toilet and normally have urges to pee and to poo when I’m cuddling Zaria.

Start young with good toilet habit

She wants to be carried a lot, especially by me. She wants me to be the one bathing her, napping with her, brushing her teeth, helping her with the toilet.

Child Care Options
I don’t know how some SAHM does it, handling 2 kids without a maid. I salute them! I’m finding it tough even with a maid. I get so stressed when Zaria needs her feed and Zara gets all worked up and wants my attention too.

I’m cracking my head with child care options after my maternity.
1) Hire another maid
2) Put one of the girls in child care center
3) Send Zara to half day nursery

Tuyam confirms she’ll stop working for us in early 2008. Hiring a maid seems to be a good option since the kids now need most attention. By 2008, Zaria will be 1 and Zara 3, and hopefully things will get better, and we will just need 1 maid (the new one) to handle the kids during working hours and to do the house work.

Parents out there, do you have any suggestions for child care? I’m not as lucky as others, as my MIL is not keen too old to help.

Confinement is finally over!!

Actually it was over for me on Friday, when Daddy and I left the girls with the CL and Tuyam and went for dinner. Just the two of us. The first time we did this in 26months! Yes, since Zara was born, we never gone out for a dinner without her. Sad eh?
When we got back, Zara was asleep. Tuyam told us Zara was hugging my bolster and pillow crying, “Mummy sorry, mummy, sayang (Malay : stroke, love) you (me)”; and she cried so long that she tired herself and dozed off. She thought I went out because I was angry with her, even though I’d told her we’d gone out for dinner with my boss and children are not supposed to go  (a lie, I know) . I felt so sorry.

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Daddy sent the CL off with RM20 ang pow and full pay on Saturday. When Daddy told her about not giving her a big ang pow, the CL said she understood and she was sorry about the kitchen top.
To be fair to the CL, although she was not very helpful with other chores ourside of her ‘job description’ (if they have one) and being so forgetful and careless, she was good to Zaria. That was why we kept her for the full 30days.
No matter how many times I woke her up in the night to change Zaria’s diaper (if I knew it was soiled), she woke up willingly, never once sounded impatient and talked to Zaria softly while changing her.
She called Zaria by her name and always spoke to her gently (my first CL told me she never called the babies under her care by their names, preferring to call them ah-boy or ah-girl). Before she left, she kissed Zaria on the cheek (Ew!) and told her to be good.

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Zaria had her fullmoon celebration in Dragon I on Saturday, just a family event. She was very well behaved with so many people taking turns to carry her.

On Sunday, it was Daddy and my first trip bringing the two girls out. We just went out in the evening to the Lake Gardens, and then for dinner. To get everybody ready, it took 2hrs!
Zaria slept througout the time we were in Lake Gardens and by dinner time she was awake and fussing. Dinner was total chaos. We have Zaria crying (which is getting more common after the CL left) in my arms; Zara on Daddy’s lap refusing to have her dinner and making a mess of everything on the table. Both of us were eating with one hand, while holding on to each girl with the other.
Other diners were throwing glances at us, probably saying to themselves “Thank God for contraceptive!”. *sigh*

Since I go to bed the same time as Zara (and luckily Zaria goes to bed the same time too), I started praying together with her lying down on my bed. I’ll ask her to put her hands together, and I’ll say the prayer, it goes some thing like this : “Mummy ask Jesus to protect Zara and meimei, so that Zara and meimei will be strong and healthy. Mummy ask Jesus to teach mummy to be a good mummy.”

Yesterday, after I’d finished the above prayer, Zara added, “Mummy ask Jesus to teach mummy to be a good mummy, so that mummy will not scold Zara so much yeah?”

Oh boy, her ‘prayer’ tickled me but at the same time made me realise I must be quite harsh on her most of the time. I have to learn from this young lady, to use more positive words when I give out instructions or comments to Zara.

So God, help me to be a better mum, that I will not scold my kids (or sound as though I’m scolding them) so much. Amen.