Office is shut this week, so all of us have to take compulsory leave. I’m home with the little one, and luckily I have Tuyam, or else I won’t be able to even go and clear my bowel with the little koala, Zara, clinging to me.

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She uttered her first phrase 2 nights ago. I was nursing my migraine and I heard her told Daddy, “Uh-Oh, book” while pointing to a pile of books on the floor (Even though it’s not fully in English, it’s still a milestone to capture)

She uses Uh-Oh for things dropped, things missing, things lying on the floor. For the above phrase, her books were scattered on the floor after Daddy read to her, so she was probably complaining about the mess.

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This morning, after Zara woke up this simple dialogue took place :
Me : Zara, lets go downstairs already!
Zara : Mum Mum *excitedly*!
Me : Yes, go downstairs to mum mum!
Zara : Wise (her pronunciation of rice)!
Me : No, not rice. Morning we don’t take rice.
Zara : Wis (her pronunciation of fish)!
Me : No, no fish in the morning. We have bread or biscuit ok?
Zara : Bed (her pronunciation of bread)! Bed! Bed!
When we got downstairs, she went to the kitchen and chanted Bed until I gave her a small slice of bread.
(She loves fish, and rice compared to her porridge, and bread is her staple diet too).

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Before we got broadband, most nights, I will be in the room reading after Zara has gone to bed or interrupt Daddy’s love making to his DIY amplifier to have some small talks.

After we got broadband, most nights, I would be in the study reading blogs or blogging, and if Daddy wasn’t downstairs making love to his amplifier, he would be coming into the study to make small talks, but I would be rolling my eyes and waiting for him to finish whatever he wanted to say so I can go back to whatever I was reading or doing again.

So sad.

I love to cook and bake, but am doing less of it since Zara was born.

When I was 8, 9months pregnant with Zara, for my 1 hr lunch break, since I was such a greedy pig I used to bake pies or sausage rolls at home (since I was getting very heavy and lugging the notebook to and fro the office was hurting my back, I was spending most of the later months working from home). I also used to bake new years cookies for both my mil and our home but didn’t do it this year because I was busy with Zara.

After Zara was born, I was spending less time in the kitchen. When I did, it usually was because I wanted to make something for Zara. When she started solids, I prepared her food on weekends like stewed fruits; steamed or, when I was adventurous, Mediterranean style vege; pureed them, and then froze them in ice cube trays and the following day just popped them out and store them in zip locks bags.

It was only when she turned 9mths old that we introduced meat and hence porridge to her (before it was all pureed vege or fruits mixed with organic rice cereal). No more need to do bulk cooking for her on weekends. Her porridge is mainly done by Tuyam, our maid.

When we moved to our new place this March, I wanted a good oven, because our old cheap one was not cooking cakes or cookies evenly. We bought one with full feature (not the Teka or Pacific self-cleaning-catalytic-oh-so-expensive type). The only piece of equipment in the house which I had full say on since this is my forte (the rest of the gadgets I left it to Daddy).

I had probably just baked a cake, roasted some sweet potato and potato and that’s about it for this whole year.

MIL and SIL were coming over for dinner yesterday, and it was also our marketing day. So I thought maybe I can get a fresh chicken and roast it for dinner, and try out the rotisserie.

The chic was a medium sized chic, I seasoned it the minute we got back from the market. I used light soya sauce, a bit of dark soya sauce, brown sugar, ginger juice, minced garlic, a pinch of cinnamon powder and salt.

At 6pm, I got Daddy to bring Zara to the park because I had to cook. I stuffed the chicken with garlic cloves and ginger slices, and skewed it through the rotisserie rod. Once it’s in the oven, I just set the timer, and left the kitchen to do some blog surfing (hubby of course didn’t know it was that easy to roast a chicken).

I went to the kitchen to check a few times, just to make sure things were ok. In the process, I got burnt by being careless while moving the tray and the rotisserie rod about.

The chicken was ready in an hours time and turned out to be quite nice; evenly cooked, juicy in the inside, and best of all, all the fat has dripped to the tray. For the ultimate test, we gave some to Zara. Alas, she being a fish person, preferred the steamed garoupa to the chicken. I kept the left over breast for her though, we’ll use it to make sandwich for her for lunch.

I’ll start to spend more time with the oven now that I know how the rotisserie work, and if Daddy didn’t mind looking after Zara, I can bake cookies again for the coming new year.

I took off on Friday, and met up with King’s Wife and her girls for another day of shopping (what else can you do in the afternoon with 2 kids and 1 toddler on tow?).

Before we hit the mall, we went to the famous jeweler’s place to collect some exquisite crystal bracelet I’d ordered. I love crystal (semi precious stone and diamonds!) jewelry because of the different healing properties the different crystals hold. and I love them simple and wearable all the time, something which I don’t have to remove even when I’m in the shower.

The famous jeweler was busy completing the last bit of stringing, leaving her twins to host us. Zara was one who never stand on occasion, she made herself feel right at home; she spotted the twins’ bike, and immediately climbed on it; she saw any thing resembling a toy, and started taking and playing with it. Until one of the twin could not stand any more and went to complain to mummy.

*See where her fingers were in the photo, she even wanted to control what was to show on TV*

I got 3 different bracelets, one using garnet, another using peridot, and one more combining amethyst and rose quartz. For the latter design I got one for Zara as well. I also got a pair of earrings for my niece, Alicia since she’s into jewelry now. King Wife’s got herself a pair of earrings as well.

They are all quite pretty and dainty, and reasonably priced. Zara loves her bracelet as well. When I put it on for her, I’ll tell her, “See, pretty pretty”. She would then walk to Daddy and point to the bracelet, and then to her kakak and do the same thing. After ‘showing off’ to whover is around, she would then remove it, very swiftly. Probably a bad idea to get jewelry for her.

After jewelry shopping, we went to Mid Valley. I used to go to there everyday when we were still staying in Seputeh, but rarely now since we moved. I had forgotten how bad traffic can get there. It was a working day, but the traffic was hellish, and the car park was very full! It took me almost 1hr to get a parking spot! Such an anticlimax for a shopping spree.

As usual, we just walked around and browsed at things, the only objective we have was that Samantha (King’s Wife’s youngest) wanted to buy a Christmas Present for Zara. This 8yr old niece of mine is such an angel, wanting to use her own pocket money to buy a gift for her cousin. I told her not to spend any money on Zara, but she insisted. She told me in advance she didn’t have a lot of money, so I suggested she get Zara hair clips, since Zara had none. She chose a very beautiful pair in the end.

This year, the Christmas deco in Mid Valley was very nice. The theme must be White Christmas, because every where and everything was in white. All so gorgeous!

This shopping spree didn’t cost us much, just got some baby biscuits and diaper for Zara, and then a pair of sandals with heels for myself (since there is a dress code in the office now, and my colleagues have been commenting on the flat comfy sandals I’d been wearing). Again, Zara was such a sport throughout, no complaints or fretting. Then again, she has her best pal, Samantha che-che with her.

I have another 2 more days of leave to clear before Christmas, which means 2 more retail therapies to go to!

So I got tagged by Ipoh mari (come from Ipoh) Helen. Since she said she’ll buy me Ipoh White coffee when I visit Ipoh the next time, I have to oblige.

Here are the 5 food that I absolutely loved during my childhood, and no longer eat or able to find them :

1) Bak-yu-pok (Chu Yao Cha, ???/?, Fried lard) :

Mum was such a fan of this, every time she went to the butcher, she would ask for a big piece of lard. When she reached home, she would cube the lard, then fry it in an un-greased wok. She would fry until all the oil from the lard was released, and the lard cubes turned crunchy. She kept the oil for cooking (later), and served the crunchy lard cubes as snacks! (We ate so healthily when we were young!)

When we ate Hokkien Mee, we always asked to add more lard cubes, and all of us, including my mum would have a chop stick fight over the noodle to see who could grab the most lard cubes!

I lived with my maternal grandma when I was 7 till 9years old. Every time after school when I climbed up the stairs to enter house (grandma lived on the 1st floor of a shop house), if I could smell the fragrance of lard frying, I would jump with joy. In grandma’s house, nobody fought with me for the lard cubes, I have them all!

I’d been a non-pork eater for almost 12years now, so, no more lard cubes for me, but this tradition is still practiced in King’s Wife‘s house, King (my brother) would fight with his daughters over the lard cubes.

2) Grandma’s Kon-low-mee (dry noodle, ???) :

Most of the time for lunch during my stay with grandma, she would cook cintan-noodles (???), stir in lard oil (but of course!), soya sauce and black soya sauce, and then sprinkle just a bit of Ajinomoto on top of it, and viola, my very delicious lunch.

Forget about getting a balance diet of vege, protein and carbo, or even MSG-free food. Back then, life was simple!

Maybe I don’t take pork and MSG now, I could never make my home cooked kon-low-mee as delicious as my grandma’s, even if I added lots of ingredients.

3) Pink Keropok (tapioca cracker) :

On weekend, when my mum visited grandma and me, she would always dropped by at this sundry shop to buy a big pack of pink keropok. One big pack would contain 30 smaller packs, each pack held two pieces of those pink keropok (shaped something like pretzels).

That to me, was the best treat. I think I could whack 5 packs in one sitting. Our whole family would sit in front of the TV and munch on this, the whole big pack gone in a day.

I wonder where you can get the same ones these days.

4) Canteen Curry Mee :

My grandma would give me 10 cents a day as pocket money. With the 10 cents, I would buy myself a small bowl of curry mee. They were just plain noodles with curry gravy, no condiments at all, but they were delicious. No curry mee ever tasted the same.

5) Kong-Bak (Stew pork Hokkien Style, ???):
My grandma made the best Kong-bak in the universe. Big chunks of semi fat pork stewed in rich soya sauce and thick soya sauce, together with hard boiled egg. It was just yummy!

For dinner, we always had rice drenched in the sauce, chewing on the devine pieces of pork, almost licking the plate clean every time. If there’s any left over the following day, it would taste even better than the first, and more fighting on who got the of morsel.

When I moved back in with my mum, she made that as well, and hers was as good, but being the apprentice, the stew pork cooked by her still lacked the umph!

Both my grandma and mum had passed on, and their recipe now lies with King’s Wife. I can’t comment if she did a mean stew pork like my grandma because I had never tasted it, only my brother, the King, can comment.

Today, I changed the recipe a bit and replaced pork with chicken instead. It tastes good, but you can’t get the creamy fatty sauce (made by the lard) with chicken.

Now, I wonder, when Zara grows up, what would be her unforgettable child hood food, just maybe it’s the delicious breast milk mummy produces. *grin*

The 4 people who were tagged before me :
1. Beer Brat
2. Sngl Guy
3. Yvy
4. Helen

I would like to tag :
1. The Diva – For someone who loves food, I just want to see what was unforgettable from your child hood.
2. Jesslyn – What was it like in Johor? I’m curious to know
3. Egghead – I don’t believe you’d done this before? Kekeke. Either J or your contribution is fine!

Do list down the 4 people tagged before you. And tag another 3 (or more) people.

My best friend will be coming back to Malaysia for holidays, and being very practical, she asked what kind of birthday (very belated) and Christmas present I would like her to bring back from New York for me. Would I like the Philosophy skin care and the latest Jamie Oliver cook book (both I used to love)?

I don’t need Philosphy skin care now since I always have the motherly radiant, as I go for those quick and easy just slap everything to your face/eye kind of skin care. No more time for exfoliating or doing mask.

The only cook books I purchase now are related to cooking or baking for babies/children, but I already have 5, do I need another? So this year, I asked her for a book which gives you ideas of games and craft you can play and do with a toddler or a child.

I noticed that being a mum now, I seldom buy or ask for things for myself, everything I buy or want, somehow will be related to Zara.

Just like recently, I was contemplating between an LV bag (the Bucket, I love it), and a digital SLR. It costs about the same. One would fulfill my own vanity or desire, the other would allow me to capture beautiful moments of my child. Which do I choose? Tough choice!
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We just went and bought the digital SLR today. Daddy’s anniversary, Christmas, valentine’s present to me. Bye Bye LV, maybe next year, I’ll ask Santa again for it, just maybe.

We were lucky, we were told. It was a clean miscarriage. Nothing remained in my uterus, everything was ‘expelled’, there was no need to do a D&C (which can be quite damaging to the uterus).

It was actually quite common for people to have miscarriages. 1 in 4 pregnancies, higher risk for people with PCOS; so it seemed. A consolation NOT. It my case, it was most likely caused by the genetic make up of the embroy, nature’s way of purging away bad ‘product’.

Dr JL told us we could start trying again after 3 months. My Chinese Dr told me to try again only after 6 months as I should nurture my body back like someone who’d just given birth; and she prescribed 30days of confinement herbs for me.

I continued my vigorous work out schedule to numb my senses (oh well, I have to admit I enjoyed it as well).

I stopped my fertility treatment, but continued to see the Chinese Dr to nurture my health.

We had sex, for the fun of it, it was no longer scheduled and I didn’t have to lift my legs up for 20minutes after our act.

We celebrated our 5th year anniversary in a remote island and a national park in Thailand for a total of 10days, best trip ever.

I threw a surprise birthday party for Daddy’s 40th birthday. That night, we were merry, he had a few oh-kao (Guiness Stout). He was in high spirit, surrounded by his best friends. When his friends left we went wild, we were all over each other we had mind boggling sex; and sod the condom!

Zara was conceived that night.

On the 1st few weeks of my pregnancy, I was obsessed, I went to the toilet to check for spotting every 30mins. I prayed that I won’t see any streak of blood.

We went to St Anne’s Church to ask for protection and blessing. Promising we would bring our baby here to give thanks if all end up well. I drank the holy water diligently once every week.

The pregnancy was kept hush hush until I saw her heart beat in the ultra sound, and no celebration until much later.

I had to do an amniocentesis on my 16th week because of my age and also because my triple test came back positive. In the test, a long needle has to be poked into my belly to extract amnionic fluid. I was extremely worried, about the skill of the Dr, as well as the damage it could cause.

I was assured by a friend, who worked with a lot of gynaes because of the nature of her job (I only knew her later or I wouldn’t have met the other horrible Drs), that Dr JL is one of the best, because he has a lot of patients, and have a lot of experiance with carrying out the test.

The first attempt, Zara was way too near to the skin of the belly, even with the Dr thumping his fingers on my skin, she wouldn’t move! On the next attempt, I spoke to her before we went to the hospital and asked her to coorperate. In the scan, I could see her actually crouching at one corner. When the long needle was inserted into my tummy deftly, I prayed that she didn’t move a muscle.

The Dr casually said that if the result came back and the baby has genetic defect (Down Syndrome mainly), I could choose to terminate it (Wow, that is soo comforting). It was the longest 3 weeks of my life (to wait for the result)!

When I got the result and knew every thing was fine (and confirmed she’s a girl), we celebrated!

During the rest of the pregnancy, I prayed that she would be strong and healthy and normal (not hideously ugly) every day.

I wanted a vagina delivery. Dr JL did all he could to make sure I have one. When she was delivered, while enduring the pain, I prayed hard that she would be alright, no complication (and please, not now!!).

When I heard her first cry, I forgot about the pain of child birth. When she was placed in my arms and I saw her for the first time, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I cannot describe the feelings I had. I thank God. What I’d gone through was worthwhile, she’s in my arms now, strong and healthy and normal, our little Zara. Daddy’s very belated birthday present.

Afterthought
Even though the journey has been a long and bumpy one, we have been blessed. She’s our greatest joy. Occasionally, when we look at this little girl, Daddy and I still can’t believe she’s our daughter.

I didn’t mind sharing my experiance with those who were trying even before I had Zara; but I’m not sure without Zara, would I still have the courage to write this?People who have tried and wanted to give up, please don’t, I have my story to tell, because if I did, I would not have Zara now.People who have gotten pregnant unplanned and wanted to give up the child, please don’t; count your blessing; there are people who are doing all they can to conceive, so don’t take yours for granted.

I had recommended the Chinese Dr to many people (some of them did get pregnant). Even if she didn’t help you with your conception, she would have made you healthier, so there’s really nothing to loose. If you are interested, here is her address:

Chi Ren Chinese Medical Hall (??)
63A, Jalan Petaling Utama 7,
Batu 7,
Jalan Klang Lama
Tel # 77832341
Pls note she’s closed on both Mon & Tue
Wed~Fri 10am~4pm
Sat~Sun 10am~2pm
Her charges is about RM50 per visit, with 1 week’s herbs and medication.

We were exhilarated. We were going to be parents! Finally! We were eager to share the good news with the world! People were happy for us, knowing how much I’d gone through in recent years. My sister immediately bought 2 maternity dresses for me, even though not the slightest bump had shown yet.

I continued to go to the gym, keened on strengthening myself more because of the pregnancy.

Dr Wong requested me to see him every other day, he wanted to give me some jabs. Only the 3rd jab, I realized he was actually giving me progesterone or ???, it was for making sure I keep my pregnancy (there’s really no evidence that it helps). I said I didn’t need it, I had had enough hormonal jabs/pills. He insisted that I had to take it!

Time to change Dr, Daddy told me, he didn’t like all these hormonal treatment either, and Dr Wong has started making decision without checking with us. We started seeing my BIL’s fishing buddy, Dr Jason Lim (JL) in Sunway medical instead.

I really like Dr JL, he’s very professional (no interruption in between consultation). He never made decision for us. He presented us with facts, and we decide what we wanted to do. He told me I was still very early in my pregnancy, the progesterone jab based on research has not shown to help prevent miscarriages; but if I wanted it, he would administer it, my choice. Our decision was no more hormonal jabs!

2 weeks after I knew I was pregnant, I had light spotting after my work out. It freaked me out! I was in cold sweat, went home, told Daddy about it, and then we started checking books, internet, what this meant. It seemed some pregnant ladies do have spotting, although it may be an indication of a miscarriage, it normally didn’t end up so.

I went to see Dr JL the following day, the baby was still in tact (the dot was still there), so I felt more relieved. Dr JL also said there’s really not much he could do at this stage, unless I wanted the progesterone jab, or I wanted MC to have bed rest. The rest, it’s really up to the pregnancy itself.

After this, I have spotting on and off, sometimes it’s pink streaks of blood, sometimes it’s very brownish discharge (like old blood). Although it disturbed me, I couldn’t do much. I stopped going to the gym, and tried to rest more to help with the pregnancy. I also visited the Dr weekly, just to make sure baby was still alright.

During this time my beloved cat, Charm was sick and was having breathing difficulty. He, who was normally quite greedy, wasn’t eating or drinking, and had not used the litter box for 2 days. Because I was so preoccupied with my own problem, I didn’t bring him to the vet earlier. When I did, the vet claimed that he had pneumonia and failed kidneys. They needed to put him on drips, and recommended he stayed over night in the vet.

I remembered that night, it was raining cats and dogs, with deafening thunder! An image of a very frighten cat occasionally came to my mind. At night, I prayed for my baby and Charm.

The next morning before work, I went to visit Charm with my maid. When we arrived, the reception was looking nervous and mentioned about some miss call she’d placed to me. “What call?” was my replied. And then it occurred to me something must have gone wrong. Before the receptionist could reply, I already had tears in my eyes. Yes, Charm has died, he was found dead in his cage that morning.

I took his stiffen body back and buried him in our back yard. It was like a funeral, both my maid and I crying. I blamed myself, I was busy with my own problems, and brought him to see the vet too late, also, I shouldn’t have left him overnight in the vet, he must have been frightened to death by the thunderstorm.

The same afternoon, while still grieving, I saw a blotch of blood on my underwear when I went to the toilet. I started trembling, what did this mean? Am I loosing the baby? I called Daddy home, and we went to the hospital together. It was however, Dr JL’s surgery day, so we saw another Dr.

The other Dr did the scan, the little dot was still there (though still no heart beat for an 8 week old baby, but then we might have calculated our dates wrongly). He suggested I take a progesterone jab, just to be on the safe side. We agreed, anything to help!

I was so dispirited when I got home; I laid in bed with very red and swollen eyes. While Daddy was sitting next to me, consoling me, I felt spasm of pain in my abdomen. I was crying, for Charm, and also because I was very worried about the baby. The spasm became worse, it was like a contraction, it was painful. I was telling Daddy it hurt so much, and I didn’t know what was happening. And then the pain just stopped, as suddenly as it started. I was sighing in relieve, luckily nothing happened, so I thought! I drifted to sleep.

When it was time for dinner, I went first to the toilet to pee. When I sat on the toilet bowl, I felt something dripping out, and then a plop! I looked, and to my horror, I saw this dark blood clot in a lighter pool of blood in the toilet bowl. I reached to retrieve the blood clot; what I saw in my hand was a piece of liver like flesh, the size of 20cent coin. I could feel the blood draining from my face, I was shaking, I shouted for Daddy. Tears was pouring down.

It was our 8 week old baby, just expelled out from my body, the same day as I lost my beloved cat. I screamed in my mind, “God, why this? Why happen to me? After 5years of waiting and THIS?”

It was the worst day of my life.

I was considered to be weak healthwise, always had migraine, sometimes even faint spell (low blood pressure). In 2002, after a 2 weeks part holiday part working trip to Beijing, I contracted a very bad Urinary Tract Infection (from a public toilet with wooden barrel as toilet bowl).

I was peeing blood on the last few days of my trip, and down with fever when I got back. On the 4th day, when my fever didn’t subside, I was hospitalized. 5 long days in the hospital! I thought I was dying because I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I had the strongest antibiotic administered intravenously (Ciprobay, which is used for HIV patients).

When I got out of the hospital, although no longer feverish, I was extremely weak. I decided to take control of my health! I started working out and ate sensibly.

We were still trying for a baby, sex has become a routine or duty. We did it on the days I thought I was ovulating. It’s no longer spontaneous, or romantic. Every time I see a pregnant lady’s bump, I eyed it with envy.

In June, we went to see the Fertility guru, Dr Colin Lee.

Dr CL was a busy man, in our short 15mins with him, he was interrupted numerous times by his admin assistant regarding other appointments (even while he was doing pap smear on me). Anyway, he saw our records, heard what I’d done, and just declared that there’s really nothing else he could do for us except IVF. For questions, he directed us to his consultants.

The consultant shared with us all we needed to know, including the cost, which was RM15K to RM25K, depending on my response to hormonal treatment and the complexity of the situation. Although their success rates were relatively high, it would still be a gamble. Multiple birth was highly possible. RM25K was an issue, but what bothered me most was the possibility of having multiple babies. I could accept twins, but I shuddered at the thought of having triplets or quadruplets or septuplets!! (Can you imagine nursing septuplets??!!)

We left the centre wondering what our next move would be. After discussing about this, we thought we would give ourselves an ultimatum. 6months! If I still couldn’t concieve, we would go for IVF.

At this same time, one of my friends’ sister had just given birth with the ‘tuning’ of a Chinese Dr. My friend suggested I go try her out (she recommended the Dr to me a while back but I thought these were all mumbo jumbos, so I didn’t bother earlier).

Since I was still relatively weak, I thought I’d go checked the Dr out, if not for my fertility problem, at least I could get some herb or tonic from her to improve my health.

On our first visit to the Dr, we felt very comfortable (unlike all the other Drs we’d seen). After feeling my pulse and looking at my tongue, she said it was actually the heat in my body that was causing me unable to concieve. She prescribed me some herbs which she warned when taken would cause sever headaches when the ‘heat’ was released from my body.

It was true, the day I took the medicine, I had the worse migraine ever, as though some one was sawing my brain the whole night. However, in the morning, I felt healthier already. I started seeing her every week (what did I have to loose?), to get her to tune my body; she prescribed different concoction of bitter herb, depending on how well my body responded to the previous dose.

In August, I joined a gym because it was having a promotion in response to my resolution to get healthier. To get the most out of what I’d paid, I tried to go there everyday after work.

One morning in late August 2003, about 1 month after I’d started seeing the Chinese Dr, I was just doing the pregnancy test casually since my period was 1 week late. After immersing it in urine, I left the toilet and got ready for work. I asked Daddy what he saw on the strip after 5minutes as he was using the toilet.
He shouted “2 lines”.
I dropped whatever I was doing, shouted back, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, 2 lines.” He replied, “Anyway, what does it mean?”
To confirm (although in my heart was pounding wildly), I quickly dug out the instruction leaflet from the pregnancy kit, and read it again. I shouted back excitedly “It means I am pregnant!”
Daddy popped his head out with this grin, “Are you sure?”

I really don’t know. Can the test be wrong? Can I be so lucky? I mean I’d been trying for 5years, for God’s sake, and every time I dipped the damn strip into my urine, it only showed 1 line. Never 2 lines, NEVER. I called up Dr Wong immediately for an appointment.

The pregnancy test in Dr Wong’s clinic showed positive too, with a very faint 2nd line, and we saw a small dot on the scan. I still couldn’t believe it. I further did a Beta HCG blood test, which will definitely confirm the pregnancy. Half a day later, the hospital called me to say it’s positive. I was about 5 weeks pregnant! You can’t imagine how happy I was. I was almost dancing.

That was about 15months before Zara was born.

February, 2002 (after 3 years wasted), on our first visit to Dr Wong, I already had in mind that I wanted to do the laparoscopy. Upon showing all my records, tests done, and another ultra sound by him, he confirmed the earlier diagnosis.

We talked about laparoscopy, he boasted that he’s an expert in this area, and had given talks to UM Medical students on this topic and also had done a lot of laparoscopies throughout his medical career. He said for my case, he would do a Laparoscopic ovarian drilling (ovarian diathermy), the recommended procedure for PCOS patient, just as what Dr Liew mentioned.

I told him I wanted to do it as soon as possible, since I’d already wasted enough time; he put me in his calendar for next week.

The following week, I admitted into Pantai Hospital, went under general anesthetic, and have my laparoscopic ovarian drilling done. Dr Wong was quite good, the stitches clean and straight, and the 3 wounds were small, all below bikini line. He mentioned that there were no complications, and recommended I start trying again after a month, to allow my wound to fully heal.

Meanwhile he suggested that we do another semen analysis test. This time however, Daddy didn’t have to do it in a public toilet. He was allowed bring home the bottle, ‘harvest’ the specimen first thing in the morning, and within an hour, bring the bottle back to the hospital. His test further proved that there’s nothing wrong with him.

When I was ready to start trying again, he recommended that I have more Clomid to speed things up. That will ensure more than 1 egg is released, and my chances of getting pregnant will increased. This time, the Clomid dose was double! Some of the side effects of taking such a high dose of Clomid included blurred vision (while walking, sometimes, I had to stop to balance. It was THAT bad) and very bad pain on the sides of the abdomen just before ovulation (it was like someone continuously punching you on the side).

We went through this 2 cycles and nothing happened, so more tests have to be done. On the next cycle, during the time of ovulation, we had to have sex in the morning, then go to his clinic immeidately for a check for the sperm livelihood within me. From these test, he found that my ‘discharge’ was not thin enough. He metaphorically explained that it’s like the sperm has entered the ‘lobby’ (cervix) but there’s no ‘lift’ (my discharge) to bring the sperm up to my egg.

So, the next procedure was recommended; I have to go for Intra-uterine Insemination (IUI) or artificial insemination. Dr Wong even asked if I wanted to do sex selection for the baby since it’s possible with this method. I told him I just wanted a baby, the sex of the child is of no importance.

To prepare myself, I had to had more Clomid, and on the calculated date of ovulation, I went to the hospital to get a scan to confirm I was about to ovulate.

Upon confirmation, Daddy ‘harvested’ his semen the following morning and sent it to the hospital lab for ‘washing’. I had to go to the hospital in the afternoon. The Dr inserted this long straw like syringe into my vagina, and injected the washed semen into the cervix (not at all comfortable, you can imagine just looking at the tube used), then I laid still for about an hour before I left for home.

We anxiously awaited for the pregnancy to happen, but I got my period 2 weeks after that.

I did another round of IUI, this time, the washed semen was injected right at the opening of the fallopian tube, to increase the chance (later, I found that with this method, you actually risk severing your fallopian tube). Alas, 2 weeks later, I bled again.

We were disappointed, naturally. It seemed that the next step we have to go for is In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF).

That was when we heard about Dr Collin Lee, the famous IVF specialist in Damansara Fertility Centre. We have testimony of friends’ friends who went and did IVF under him, and who are now happy parents.

We checked out the prices (~RM20K), calculated to see if we could afford the procedure; talked to people to see what kind of discomfort it would caused (of course after all the procedure I’d been through, nothing can really scare me now).

What happened next, became the turning point of my life.

It was quite disgusting to know what kind of medical practitioners we have in our country. Some are really out there to extort us. After seeing 2 Drs, and paid almost RM1500 in total, we still didn’t know what my problem was.

One of Daddy’s colleagues knew we have been seeing gynaes who weren’t empathetic with our problem. The next Dr we went to was highly recommended by her. She said her gynae was a very honest Dr and should be able to help us.

Dr Liew was based in Asunta Hospital, and true enough was an honest bloke. He checked through all the tests that we’d done, and listened to my problem. He did a scan. Took out a pictorial chart, and started giving us a lesson on causes of infertility and what he suspected was wrong with me. Based on my symptoms (irregular period, high LH in my blood test), and the scan which showed lots of darken dots close to the wall of the ovaries, he said I was having Polycystic Ovaries (PCOS in short ). My eggs did not mature and got released from the Ovaries, and hence the dark dots (gathered around the walls of the ovaries) and the irregular period.

Dr Liew also told me to fix PCOS, I had to do a laparoscopy, where the Dr would drill holes in the ovaries (for the egg to be released). Before we went there, he wanted to know if my fertility was caused by any other thing like a blocked fallopian tube, because some PCOS patients are still able to have children unaided.

He suggested I do a Hysterosalpinogram or HSG, which was actually to pump dye into my uterus, take an x-ray shot, then check if all passages (fallopian tubes mainly) were clear.

All his explanation, steps of diagnosis sounded logical. So I immediately scheduled a HSG. I got my result very fast, it was good, my tubes were intact and no blockage.

Dr Liew suggested that I try without surgery first, by taking ovulation drugs to increase the chance. So I was put on Clomid (or Clomiphene).

While having Clomid, it regulated my period (which meant the egg was released), but I could feel a pain in one of the ovaries every time I ovulated (this sensation later help me to realize when I ovulate). We were supposed time our intercourse. So we did it, scheduled, mechanically, and I lifted my legs high up at the end of it to prevent the sperm from flowing out (my own logic). It was no fun!

After 3 rounds of Clomid, no luck, and every time I went back to Dr Liew, he didn’t seem to suggest to do the laparoscopy. When I brought it up, he recommended more Clomid (till when?).

Someone at this point recommended a Malay Dr to me, she said he’d helped many Malay women to conceive after many years of trying. Daddy told me I should stick to Dr Liew, but I was too impatient, so I switched Dr again.

This Dr gave me the same diagnosis as Dr Liew. PCOS was my problem. And just like Dr Liew, he suggested I took Clomid, laparoscopy could wait. I took 2 more cycles of Clomid.

One of my ex colleagues who’d been trying for a child for 5years brought news to us that she’d conceived. Now, all these while I knew she was trying, but she had never suggested to us that she had a problem (even when we asked). She just said she tried, maybe due to stress at work, she never conceived, so she quit.

While bringing this good news to us, she shared her story, she had endometriosis and told me she had a laparoscopy done, and 3 months later, she conceived. I quickly got more information from her about laparoscopy (Painful? How big were the wounds? ) and the Dr she went to (Was he good? Which hospital he is from?).

Since my friend’s Dr, Dr Wong, is from Pantai, Bangsar, and both my brother’s daughters were born there, I asked King’s Wife if she knew that Dr my friend went to. Coincidentally, Samanta, my youngest niece, was delivered by Dr Wong, and King’s Wife’s said he’s quite good, nothing close to Versace, or the dodgy Dr I went to earlier.

When I got home, I told daddy about this, it seemed that I cannot escape having a laparoscopy done.

So we scheduled an appointment and went to see Dr Wong in Pantai.