I was back at home on Friday evening, Zara was very happy to see me, she has forgotten how upset she got. She hugged and kissed me, touched my face as though trying to ‘feel’ I’m real, smiled all the time and looked at me affectionately. For dinner she insisted, “Mummy sit with you (me)”. And kept following me every where. At night, she told Daddy, “Don’t want Daddy sleep with you (me), want mummy sleep with you (me).” And she wanted me to hug her to sleep.

Everything was just like before, she didn’t need any ‘warm up’ time.

Here are some photos taken during my trip.

My first meal; after I arrived and checked in to the hotel, it was already 3pm, so I just walked to a near by coffee shop (???) and ordered carrot cake (?????) for a quick bite. I had a table all to myself, but if I lifted my elbow any higher, I would have touched my neigbour’s elbow. The tables were laid just so close to each other. Around the hotel. I was staying in Causeway Bay ???, a very busy shopping district. Shops were opened till 10:30pm – 11pm.My first taste of the roast goose rice ????. It was in a small little neighbourhood restaurant ??, but it was pretty delicious.

Some safety propaganda in the MTR station.

View from the meeting room in the office.

Dim sum lunch with colleagues.

Dried sea produce shops ??? at Sheung Wan ?? (an area popular to get dried sea produce). I bought quite a fair bit from this shop.

The famous Yung Kee Restaurant ????, which supposed to serve the best roast goose in Hong Kong Island.

The display of Yung Kee facing the main entrance.

Zara is angry I left her.

When I called her on Sunday, she chatted to me, ‘promised’ to be a good and brave girl. Say Hi and bye nicely.
When I called her on Monday, she came to the phone, said, “Zara play ball”, then quickly said bye and left.
When I called her this morning, she didn’t want to come to the phone, I could hear her shouting, “Don’t want mummy.”
“Don’t like mummy.”
“Stupid mummy XXXXX” (XXXXX being my name)

Tuyam told me the whole of yesterday, she has been mumbling to herself, “Stupid Mummy XXXXXX.”

Stupid is a word she picked up but I have taught her not to use, she never uses it when I’m around. She must be very angry with me for leaving her, using the word against me. *big sigh*

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On shopping and eating, I don’t find it so great here. I wanted to get shoes and clothes for Zara, but I have been shopping and couldn’t find much.

Food has also just been so so (even with local colleagues’ recommendation), the only nice food eaten so far is the roast goose… Aaaa, I would like to sink my teeth into another piece of the goose.

Every thing looks nice but tastes yucky.
~ That’s how my appetite is nowadays. I’m always hungry, and always want to munch on something. However, everything that I put into my mouth, tastes awful, it gets worse later part of the day. Morning sickness? Mine is evening sickness.

Nice things smell awful.
~ I bought the Anaku body shampoo for Zara to use because I loved the baby scent. Now, I can’t stand it. If I had to bath Zara, I’ll change it to soap. If Tuyam used this to bath Zara, I can’t even stand the smell of it on Zara.

Work work and work
~ My boss changed me to another project team. It means more work, more morning and night conferences with the US folks, and the start of traveling. I’d turned down a trip to Houston and a chance to meet Simple American (excuse, “medical reasons”), but I believe there’ll be some traveling within Asia which is quite difficult to refuse.

I’m tired
~ My work day sometimes start at 7:30am (meeting), and I continue working till about 7pm. On the same day, sometimes I get a 9pm or a later call.
~ Zara would be crying when I have to leave her at 9pm. I have to pacify her and then pass the crying child to Tuyam (Daddy is pretty hopeless when Zara starts crying)
~ Zara will stay up until I lay next to her. Normally I’m too tired and just doze off with her.
~ At 6am, she’ll be waking me up to make her “bottle milk”, like a zombie, I do just that, see that she finishes her milk, and try to get both of us back to sleep, even though it’s just for another 1hr or 1.5hr.

Yesterday
~ She cried when I have to attend my call at 9pm. Nobody was able to pacify her, she was wailing, “mummy, mummy“. So I had to carry her in the study, hooked on my headset, listened to the conversation at the other end of the line (and hoped they won’t call my name), and pacified the crying girl.
~ When she stopped crying, she started yakking away, about this wooden man figurine that I have in the study, here is part of what she said (She was repeating the same thing over and over for 30mins about the ‘boy’ being broken, because she bang it on the floor). I was really worried about her, chanting away like that.

(If you can’t see the player, the wav file can be found here)

Cocka Doodle wants to know what gives me pleasure, but he should know, it’s everything to do with Zara, but I’ll try to add in others too which is not related to her.

1) Smelling Zara’s skin and hair after her bath or early in the morning
2) Having her wrapped her hands around me, giving me a hug
3) When she plant those lips on mine without being asked
4) Zara laying her head on my shoulder when I lift her up
5) Her funny ways of using words
6) Seeing the naked little bum of Zara’s
7) The way she looks up on me to do things she can’t do yet (like putting on the CD for her, helping her to climb up a chair, or reciting the nursery rhyme). “Mummy help” or “Mummy do”
8) Daddy shuffling my hair (a sign of his affections)
9) Biting on that piece of juicy duck with crispy skin.. Aaaaa
10) Seeing the 2 love of my life enjoying the food I’d cooked for them

I won’t tag anybody but it’s an easy tag to do, if you are interested, please go ahead and do it.

I got tagged by LB. To qualify to be in his hug hug club, I have to oblige.

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I AM a mother to a beautiful daughter
I JUST NOW made my husband wake up at 5am to make milk for Zara
I SAID he should help out more often because she’s also his daughter
I WANT to cuddle and kiss Zara all the time
I WISH I had more patience with Zara
I HATE loosing my cool with Zara
I MISS the little girl when I’m at work
I FEAR financially I may not be able to provide her and her coming sibling
I HEAR her speak and sing (although tuneless), and I feel a great sense of pride
I WONDER if I will be able to love her sibling as much as I love her
I REGRET every time after I smack her for the naughty things she did
I AM NOT the perfect mum although I would like to be one
I SING to Zara in the car, when she’s taking her bath, before bed time or on request
I CRY when she gets a fever or get very sick (luckily it’s not very often)
I AM NOT ALWAYS there when she says something funny or achieves a milestone
I MADE Zara home made fruit and vege pureed when she just started solids
I WRITE about Zara’s adventure and her development in this blog
I CONFUSE about the things Zara says sometimes
I NEED a good maid, who’ll stay and work with me till my kids all turned 10.
I SHOULD be nicer to Daddy, although he’s not the perfect father, he does try (I think)
I START thinking how we will cope with 2 young kids
I FINISH this meme
I TAG my SIL King’s Wife and Mr Cocka

We were back from Bali yesterday evening.

In the middle of last night, I felt nausea, gas was building up in my stomach and bitter bile pushed itself up to my throat. I had to go to the toilet to throw up. I thought I was getting some form of food poisoning from the trip, but then, I also thought if it was remotely possible that I was …?

In the morning, I did a test, I saw 2 lines. But then, I didn’t believe myself, the test kit I have was a cheapo one, don’t know if I could trust it . I went to the Dr to confirm.

And the result is, yes, there are 2 lines! 2nd line is faint but visible. If all goes well, Zara will be a real ‘jie-jie’ (Chinese: elder sister) in early Jan.


It is a shocker to me because I didn’t expect it to come so soon. I was feeling a bit anxious. Another one means double the expenses; Zara is now more or less independent (can play on her own, tell me what she needs if she wants some thing), to think that I have to start all over again gives me a headache. I have not been taking care of myself (unlike when I had Zara, I was in my optimum health), will everything be ok? I love Zara with all my heart, do I still have the capacity to love another?

Oh boy, what a shocker!

I have been tagged by Jesslyn and Geetha. Only for you ladies..

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
“..sash of scarlet and gold across the right shoulder and a grey..”

– The Drink and Dream Teahouse by Justin Hill (reading current book esp during pumping sessions)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Zara’s photo pinned up at my cubicle.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Kind of glance at American Idol, while at King’s Wife’s place. Don’t really watch TV (oh, not counting those VCD, DVD that Zara watches).

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
6:30pm

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
6:30pm

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
People talking on the phone to families.. it’s passed office hours, everybody is calling their girl friends/boy friends or family.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Stepped out of the office to return stroller to Jasmine.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My blog, Yahoo messanger screen (having a conference with Seng Kor, May, Lin Peh, Lil Patchi, Jomel).

9. What are you wearing?
A shirt and a skirt.

10. Did you dream last night?
I didn’t.

11. When did you last laugh?
Yesterday, when Zara did her counting in One Utama.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Company promotional and motivational posters.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Hmm.. don’t believe there’s any.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
Just another tag I’m obligatedto do for those who tagged me.

15. What is the last film you saw?
The Down Fall (of Hitler)

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Buy a property in a nice gated community and move there!

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
Loads..

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Stop children from dying or being abused or being sick.

19. Do you like to dance?
Yes. Did ballet for a few years.. but now only dance jigs for Zara.

20. George Bush.
He ah..? Lousy gaomen.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Zara

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Alessandro (but when I talked with Daddy about this when I was pregnant and didn’t know the sex of our child, he was strongly against this name.. sooo…)

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes! Definitely! Don’t mind Australia, England, America, Canada.

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
“Ahh.. you..”

25. Five (5) people who must also do this meme in their journal.
– anybody
– somebody
– busybody
– everybody
– or just nobody
You like it, you do it.

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Ok. Am done with this.. Have been very busy at work, so the lack of response to some of the comments I recieved, and the delay in me visiting your blog, but I still try to catch up, sometimes reading a few posts at one go.

Tomorrow, I’ll be off to Bali, back next Tues! Woot!

I’m into my 17th month of breastfeeding now, I wonder how long more I’ll go on, but it seems the days are numbered because my supply is getting low.

One of the reason why I could continue for so long is due to the facilities we have in our company (some credits have to be given to my understanding male bosses too). Some pro-breast feeding mums have persuaded the company and 2 rooms have been allocated for nursing mums, with a fridge too to store our supplies, long before Zara was born.

I have used these rooms for 14months now (1st 3 months at home enjoying my maternity leave). This is where I met Two Little Fellas, and some other nursing mothers; separated by a thin wall, we exchanged breastfeeding and parenting tips

On months when we have lots of new mummies who’d just returned from maternity leave, the rooms are occupied most of the times (sometimes a queue is formed). After a while, a new ‘user’ settles into a pattern, and chooses a time she prefers, or to meet up with a particular mum so that she has someone to chat to while ‘doing her business’.

I’m currently the mum with the oldest kid still using the room (too bad there’s no trophies for this one). One by one I see mummies dropping off, and they asked me when it will be my turn to stop (oh, Daddy asked me the same question too). I don’t know, maybe when Zara is 18 months or 2yrs old? Or when I get pregnant again? Or I have so little supply it’s not worth expressing anymore?? Which ever comes first.

From 3 times a day in the beginning, I now settle with once a day starting of this year. At 4pm, with a good pump, a good book, 30minutes later, I emerge with 1 of Zara’s feed for the following day.

Zara’s leng jie-jie (Chinese: beautiful big sister) Helen tagged me again, she said because she larfu me and she wants to know more about me. Can I not oblige? I had to dig very deep inside my memory for this, and make this such a long post though.. ZzzzzzHow many schools did I go to?

(I’m 3rd from right)

2 kindergartens in Kuantan :
~ St Thomas where my mum was a teacher.
~ And then later, another Catholic church kindergarten (forgotten the name) where my mum was the principal.
I went to kindergarten really young since mum was working there. I just tagged along, had some fun, learnt some singing and dancing. Going to school this early, did not make my IQ higher, but definitely built my confidence, especially performing on stage. I was the solo singer, the princess in most of the concerts, and the youngest performer in a dance we did for the Menteri Besar of Pahang (Stage fright? What is that?).

2 primary schools :
~ SRJK(C) Yoke Hua ???? in Kajang for the first 3 years. Here is where my foundation was built, under the care of my maternal grandma. My confidence was further boosted by doing well in school story telling competition and singing contest. Ahh.. those were the nicer days.

Standard 4. When I asked Zara who this is, she said, “jiejie (Chinese: Older sister)”

~ SRJL(C) Kuen Cheng 2 ??????. When I was standard 4, my father pulled some strings and I got into this school (one of the best Chinese school during that time). I was placed in the last class (students were distributed to difference classes based on results, but I was transferred, my academic records didn’t count). I could not speak a word of Cantonese (main language spoken in KL), was laughed at by my class mates. My teachers thought I was stupid because I came from a rural school.
I remembered the English teacher in my Standard 4 class was shocked one day when I said, “I didn’t bring my book” in class. Her jaw dropped, “You mean you speak English?”
And then back home, my siblings called me a communist because they went to good English schools, while I attended a Chinese school, and my spoken English was not as good as theirs.
This was where my confidence was crushed. I still did well in school (from all my grandma’s training to be independent and self motivated), but I no longer has the confidence, more so in public.

Secondary school : Kuen Cheng Girls’ High School ????
My father gave me a choice when I finished my Standard 6 if I wanted to switch to an English school, but I chose to stay on.
Teaching medium for all subject was in Chinese, and some English was used for Maths and Chemistry. We only have 1 Malay subject, but on the years we had to sit for our SRP and SPM papers, extra Science, History, Geography lessons were conducted in Malay. If you don’t meet a certain aggregate mark for that academic year, you have to be retained for a year.
It’s very taxing (long school hours), lots of pressure, strict rules (no hair perming; no jewelry wearing; hair length must be less than 2 inches below the ears; no novels other than those approved by the school, Mangga or cassettes allowed in school; nobody can be spotted in malls or cinemas in school uniforms etc etc), but I survived the 6 years there.

After Form 5, my dad wanted to send me to Taiwan to further my studies. Stupid me has fallen in love with a cock eyed, hopeless man. I shelved the idea, but opted to do A-levels in Kolej Damansara Utama. The jerk joined me as well, just to watch over me (like standing outside my class room to see if I was talking to any guys). He got me to skip classes with him, and then hung out in snooker parlours instead. My A-levels result was the worst result in all the examinations I’d sat for throughout my life. I got 2Ds and an F.

I then worked in an English Language Centre which used computers to teach preschoolers. I was hooked on those 286boxes. I broke up with the jerk, my dad then was keen to send me off to Australia to join my brother. And guess what, I fell in love again, and decided to stay for the man (Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!). So with my interest in computers, I enrolled myself into ICL to do a Diploma In Computer Studies part time (with NCC thrown in). After 1 1/2 year of slaving, I used another 1 1/2 year to complete my Higher Diploma in Software Engineering in APIIT part time.

I was then going out with my hubby. Unlike those other selfish men, he encouraged me to further my studies. So after I got my Higher Dip, I packed my bags, and went to Staffordshire University England, for a year, to do my degree in Computing Science.

I could have gotten a degree at age 22, but because of my stupidity, I got mine when I was 28.

Was I the studious nerd, or the last minute hero?
I don’t believe I was studious, but I was discipline enough to do some studying on and off, and then topped it off with last minute ‘burning the midnight oil’.

Was I the class ‘taiko’ (big bully) or the teachers’ pet?
None. I was too timid to be the taiko, and was not outstanding enough to be the teacher’s pet.

What was the biggest rule I broke in school?
Perming my hair after I got my SRP results. I got a black mark in my report card, a WARNING or ??. (Actually I brought cassettes and novels to school to exchange with my mates and stuck them under the chair with masking tape to avoid being caught by the prefect, but I never got caught).

Three subjects I enjoyed
1. English – always did very well in school probably because we spoke English at home
2. Biology – I love learning about the anatomy of animals especially the reproductive organs
3. Programming – Oooh, I just love doing coding, but if you ask me to do now, sorry mate, no can do

Three teachers that inspired me
None, don’t believe any teachers have inspired me (those male teachers whom I spent lots of time drooling over day dreaming about don’t count). If there’s one, it would have been my maternal grandma, teaching me, coaching me during my first 3 years of primary education, laying very solid foundation for me. Even when I was in England, she was still ‘coaching me’, telling me, “if you cannot take it there, come home ok? Ah Ma will pay for everything.”

Who should I tag?? Hmm..
1. King’s Wife ~ I know a lot of ‘wolves’ out there would like to know about her past after she post her wedding photo)
2. Seng Kor (I’m doing this for Siao Char Bor, Jomel and Siaolin’s SIL) ~ The hunk bare all.
3. Egghead ~ I wonder how you can write in Chinese and English so well, can share your academic background so I make sure Zara walk the same path?

I try to be a good mum, I really try. I prefer not to use any physiccal force but to reason with her, but I’m also impatient and short temper. On occasions when Zara pushed me to the limits, and refused to heed my warnings, I will slap her thighs, her buttocks or her hand.

Here are 2 common situations which I will use physical force :
1) She soils her diaper and while I’m changing her, she tosses and turns, and reaches her hands out to touch her buttocks. 1st warming, “No Zara! Dirty! Zara cannot touch!”
If she still reached out to touch her buttock or wriggle about, I’ll issue the 2nd warning. I point my pointer at her “NO! Mummy beat beat!”. And then if she still doesn’t listen, I’ll slap her thigh. That would make her cry and stay still.

2) When she endanger herself like trying to put the gum ball into her mouth. After 2 warnings are issued (“No Zara, after you choke on the ball!” followed by a “Stop It! Don’t be silly! Mummy beat beat huh?!”), PIAK, my palm will land on her hand or buttocks after I take the ball away from her.

If you asked the little girl “If Zara yai-yai (Chinese: naughty, but a milder form), what will mummy do?” She’ll reply, “Beeat!” and then clap her hands together!

Lately, I’d devised another way of ‘punishing’ her. So far, I’d placed her 3 times in the naughty corner, where I’d put her facing the wall at the corner of the room. Nobody was allowed to console her even if she got upset, for a minute or 2, and then I’d pick her up and tell her what she did wrong. No physical punishment, but that seems to work better.

Now when she’s misbehaving, I’d only had to threaten her with, “Zara want to go to naughty corner?”. She would reply “Don wan!” and then pull her act together or at least try to.

Every time after I’d punished her, she would want me to carry and comfort her or else she would bawl.

I’m not all evil, I reward her generously too. When she does something clever or good, I applaud, praise her, lift her high up, kiss her, hug her, make a big fuss out of it, makes her feel kembang (Malay : ego expanded).

Now whenever she does something clever, she would clap her hands and shout, “Bah-Vo (Bravo, thanks to Sound of Music)”. I get the signal when she does that, and will clap furiously too, and will elbow Tuyam and Daddy to do the same.

Do you punish your kids, even a toddler? And who do you reward them?