My mum was very stern.
She used to pinch us under the table when we told on her (to my grandma, her mum).
She used to scold us (for our carelessness) when we informed her we’d hurt ourselves, before treating our injuries.
She used to cane us, when we were younger, and got naughty.

My mum was a good cook.
She baked, and cooked, and could whip up a feast for my father’s big entertainment parties.
She made all kinds of Chinese new year cookies, roasted her own roast pork and char siu.
She made all the dishes my dad still misses after all these years.

My mum was a very nice person.
She did a lot of charity sales.
She helped out a lot in church.

My mum was a good daughter.
She spent twice a week with my grandparents, bringing them for movies, meals and visiting friends.
She spent hours on the phone with my grandma, talking about anything under the sun.
She brought them for holidays.

My mum loved kids.
She was a kindergarten teacher, and a principal, without pay.
She baby sat for friends’ kids, for free.

My mum was an animal lover.
She cared for all the strays I brought home.
She let the kittens sleep on her belly while she watched TV.

My mum and my dad made a loving couple.
They fought, quarreled, but they had their arms around each other when they went shopping.
My dad never remarried because he still misses my mum.

My mum was how my mum should be.
She gave me advice on my relationships, left me alone to decide for things.
She nursed my heart breaks with me, brought me to Australia to ‘forget about things’.
She chauffeured me to work.
She bought me Taiwanese children story books, Japanese pop cassettes, Esprit clothes when she went traveling with my dad, she knew I love them.

My mum was a considerate mum and daughter.
She had cancer of the kidney, had a surgery to remove one of her kidneys, went for chemotherapy.
She kept her situation from us, her four children and her parents, for seven years,
She only had my father informed.

My mum was a strong believer of Christ.
She went to church every morning.
She said the rosary upon waking and before sleeping.
She abstained from meat (except sea food) every Friday.
She went for pilgrimage tours.
She said her faith helped her endure her cancer, she said she felt no pain in all her treatments.

My mum left early.
She had a relapse and we were finally informed of her illness, and within 3 days, she passed on, without us having time to react.
She had not seen any of her grandchildren. None of her grandchildren has experienced her love.

My grandma was immensely sad.
She refused to come to our home, the memory of my mum was too hard to bear.
She refused to speak to my dad, blaming him for not telling her any earlier.
She refused to stay healthy; she bathed in sadness; she joined my mum 3 years later; fulfilling my mum’s wishes, she was baptised before she left the world.

After being a mum myself, I realised what both these women had done for us, caring for us, loving us. It’s a shame I only knew this so much later. And I have not reciprocated the love the way I should. It’s a loss for Zara, as she cannot experience the love of a maternal grandma, the way I did.

Remembering them on Mother’s Day, and my mum’s upcoming 13th year death anniversary.

Getting dirty after doing some painting. A very satisfied (but weird looking) smile.
Fun at Kidzsports. The pool of balls is still her favourite.

Dinner time with background music turned on. It’s so easy to get her to participate (in eating) rather than having her messed up whatever we were eating.

Bought her a wading pool. It’s so fun to splash in the pool on a hot day.
She kept pointing to her top and said, “Zara wear bra”. I told her it’s not bra, it’s swimming costume, but she insisted and pointed at it repeatedly and said, “Bra!” and then giggled

I like to see her going on all fours, then slowly flip herself to a sleeping position. She does that every time I mentioned “All Fall Down” when I recite the Ring-A-Ring-A-Roses rhyme

Zara loves Roti Canai (Prata) and Nasi Lemak (coconut rice) very much. If we have it for breakfast, she’ll be hanging around Tuyam, shouting for “Canai” or “Emak”. She’s smart, she’ll take the part without the gravy or the sambal, if you give her those other parts, she would say, “Don’t want. Spicy!”

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We went to Jusco after meeting some mummy and daddy bloggers in Kidzsports on Sun (read about it here and here), since it’s members’ shopping day. I got Daddy to look after Zara at the toy section while I went to grab things I need. Daddy joined me at the cashier once I’m done. I then realised Zara was munching on something.
Me : You bought something for Zara to eat? (since the pram with all Zara’s goodies was with me)
Daddy : No
Me : *shocked* Then what is it she’s eating?
Daddy : *quickly checked Zara* Zara, open your mouth and show Daddy. *dug into Zara’s mouth, and scrap out some nut like thing* What is this Zara?
Me : *angry* Where did she get that from? Picked up from the ground? Or did you see someone giving it to her?
Daddy : I don’t know
Me : *even angrier* You were looking after her, and you don’t know?? What were you doing??
Daddy : I’m telling you I was looking after her and I didn’t see her picking up anything or anybody giving her anything!
Me : (“Yeah! You are blind!” But I didn’t say that) Please be more responsible when you are given the task to look after her!!
Men! Didn’t even realise his daughter is munching on something and how she got hold of that something to much! *slap head*

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I’m trying to quicken the process to wean Zara. Every time when she asks for milk, I tell her I’ll go make a bottle of milk for her. She’ll protest, “Don’t want. Don’t want bottle! Want only mummy’s breast!” But she’ll suck on the bottle anyway when the bottle is placed near her lips.

She’s still nursing for her first feed and last feed though, I let her get her ‘fix’ then will supplement with some formula since I know my milk suppy is very low now.

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Zara sometimes like to call us by our names
“Mummy XXXXX (XXXXX being my name), where you (where are you)?”
“Mummy XXXXX, come!”
“Daddy YYYYY (YYYYY being Daddy’s name) come home di (come home already).”
And I don’t know who taught her this, but she likes to say, “Ah Ku ZZZZZ (ZZZZZ being my brother, the King’s name) botak head (Malay : Bald headed)” since my brother has crew cut. (Tuyam denied teaching her this) .

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Zara as a whole is a very good girl, the only problem I have with her is during dinner time. She likes to climb out from her high chair, and scoop food from the dishes laid in front of her (she eats together with us, we don’t feed her at a different time). She likes to complain about the food, “Don’t want” “Don’t like” “Not nice” “Blech” are some of her complaints.

The last 2 days, I played a children music CD for her during dinner time. It did wonders! She sat down throughout (it could be us readjusting the height and depth of her chair too, since she’s using Tripp Trapp, which we need to adjust the chair occasionally based on how much she has grown), chewing her food, while we can see her mind working on the songs (she has this far away look).

She took lots of chopped vege (something she would spit out on normal days), rice, and fish. And because she’s busy with listening to the songs, she left our dishes alone. I wonder how long this ‘trick’ will work on her.

After a week holiday in Bali, I had so much to catch up work wise and blog reading wise. Will need some time to clear some of these back logs. Although I have lots more to share, I’ll have to do this only when I find time.

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If you asked Zara how Bali was, she would say, “Drink” (she can’t understand we went to Bali, to her Bali is the drink Barley).
If you asked her what she did in her holiday, she can’t remember the scenery or the car rides, but she recalled her encounter with the animals. This is how she remembers :
“Pat pat snake” (she patted a snake in Lake Bratan, braver than Daddy, who ran away and hid behind me when the snake handler took out the big snake)
“Hmmm… Pat pat ruh-coon (Raccoon)” (also in Lake Bratan)
“Hmmm… Pat pat big deer” (she likes to punctuation her sentences with Hmmm nowadays. The deer was a wood carving found in Bebek Bengkil restaurant)
“Hmmm.. Touch lion” (one of the stone carving she saw)
“Hmmm.. Touch cow” (another stone carving)

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My take on traveling to Bali:
~ Bali is a nice place to go to. If you are afraid of bombing, avoid the busy or the concentrated area, like Kuta.
~ I think it’s ok to go with kids above 1yr old, but not below. Since drinking water is 100% mineral water, and it’s not advisable to give any mineral water to kids below 1yr in fear that their kidney may not be able to handle the high mineral content.
~ Kids who can already take rice would have no problem eating in Bali, however, you need to inform the restaurant what you order is for kids so no spices or chili will be added. For younger kids, you may want to bring baby cereal along.
~ I sterilised Zara’s bottle using only boiled mineral water, not even tap, just to be safe.
~ Every restaurant serves fruit juices, the water used to mix with the juice is also mineral water, I gave Zara lots of fruit juices, since she’s not taking much vege and fruits while we were there.
~ Bali’s main tourist attractions is not very stroller friendly (lots of steps, narrow path), using a sling or carrier will be better. Popular shopping street is better for stroller, but still very bumpy (uneven road surface and walking path).
~ Renting a car with a driver for the whole day cost (~10hrs) about 450,000Rupiah 350,000Rupiah (US50-US40) with petrol and parking fee all included. It’s more worth it to rent a car, than to take a cab, especially if you are going to a few places. On our first day of travelling in cabs, it cost us 300,000Rupiah in total (Ellie’s->Sukawati->Denpasar->Nusa Dua->Ellie’s).

We survived Bali, so I guess now I can probably plan for another trip to Thailand. 🙂

Day 4 ~ Sunday 29th April

We hired Ketut’s car again for the day. This time to get us inland to Danau (Lake) Bratan, near Bedugul. It is a town located 1400 meters above sea level. As we got nearer to our destination, the weather got cooler, and we started seeing rice terraces.

Bedugul is a small highland town, a bit like our Cameron Highlands, popular for its vegetables and fruits.

Rice fields on our way; a stop before arriving Bedugul; at the Bedugul market; happy to get myself a pair of beaded slippers for less than RM30

There was some religious ceremony which has just completed when we arrived at Lake Bratan.

Around Lake Bratan; Pura Ulun Bratan, a small temple, can be seen on the pix, built on a small island in the lake; Zara trying out one of the boats for hire; Zara checking out the ‘big swimming pool’ (that’s what she called the lake)

running around and exploring in the park surrounding the lake

For lunch, we headed for a nice restaurant in Pancung, about 20minutes away. It is located on a slope, so you get a good view of rice terraces. It’s slogan for the restaurant, “A view to dine for”.

Zara occupying herself during lunch. Pulling out petals from chrysanthemums, stopped only to munch on some prawn crackers.

We then headed to Ubud, where we’ll be staying for 2 nights.

We chose the Barong Resort right in Ubud town. When we arrived, we got a bit worried, seeing that it’s located right at a busy street, but was quite surprise the rooms are all tucked further in, and it’s very quiet, only sound we heard was birds chirping. It’s almost 3 times the price of Ellie’s and hence more luxurious. The elegant room came with a little court yard, where we could choose to have our complimentary breakfast and afternoon tea; a huge bed to roll about (for Zara) and a sunken bath tub. We also got complimentary shuttle service to any where we wanted to go within Ubud, and 2x 1hr massage (I used them all since Daddy doesn’t like massages).

Zara happy to be bouncing on the big bed; the little court yard; Zara feeding in style; and Zara playing in the sunken bath tub

Since there was still some sun light, we brought Zara to the nearby Monkey Forest Sanctuary. It’s very shady in the sanctuary and rather well maintained. Monkeys were every where, but did not come near us, until I purchased a bunch of bananas. A couple jumped on me to snatch the bananas giving me a fright; and Zara started weeping (still cradled in her carrier) seeing me attacked.

After this incident, every time I ask her, “Are the monkeys naughty or good?”. She would reply, “Naughty!” “Beat mummy (she thought the monkey beat me).” “Snatch many manana (banana).” “Zara sked(scared)”. I seize this opportunity to tell her it’s not nice to snatch things, and she must always ask nicely if she wants something.

Monkey Forest Sanctuary

As for dinner, we went to this very popular restaurant called Bebek Bengkil (or Dirty Duck). It’s a very nice pavilion-style restaurant with a rice-field backdrop. Extremely romantic setting. With a toddler, and to prevent her from mosquitoes’ attack, we took the seat at the main pavilion at the entrance of the restaurant.

The signature dish, crispy duck (duck seasoned with herbs boiled until cooked, then deep fried), delicious with the Balinese sambal

Zara having the drum stick; I was busy eating, and she came and hugged me and said, “Mummy, miss you (probably thought it was the same meaning as Love you)”; Daddy let her try his beer, and after a few dip and lick, dip and lick, she really behaved a bit strangely (I think she got tipsy).

Day 5 ~ Monday 1st May

We just hanged around in Ubud, shopping. I bought some absolutely gorgeous handmade silver and beaded jewelry!

Yes, market again!

Offerings for prayers around Ubud

And for dinner, it was Bebek Bengkil round 2.

Our dinner : Balinese starter (absolutely fabulous), some smoke fish pate (even Daddy who is a fish lover complained this dish is a bit weird), and of course crispy duck again; Zara ‘supervising’ and checking out the surrounding; resting on a cushion; and thumbs up from Zara and mummy

Day 6 ~ Tuesday 2nd May

Time to pack up and go home on our afternoon flight!

We had breakfast at our courtyard; Daddy getting Zara to read on the plane; Zara running about in Changi (since we took SIA).

Day 3 ~ Saturday 29th April

We hired a car with a driver for the day. Our plan for the morning was to visit the Southern coast of Bali, however, we changed our mind after speaking to Sam, from Ellie’s. Instead, we asked our driver Ketut (almost every body is named Ketut in Bali) to drive us up to Tirtagangga, East of Bali using the coastal road.

We wanted to stop to look at how salt are produced traditionally in Bali on the East Coast, but the road leading to that stretch of the beach was closed for construction. After more than 3hrs drive, we reached Padang Bai, a port on East of Bali for ferries to Lombok. We had seafood lunch there, and then headed inland.

Padang Bai : a port mainly used for travelers to get to Lombok. Clear turquoise water, very popular for snorkeling and diving.Another hour or so, we reached Tirtagangga, the best surviving Bali royal water palace.

Around the water palace, Zara was fascinated with all the sculptures, especially the ones in animal forms

What surrounds the water palace fascinates us most. The lush green hilly rice fields, with lots of walking paths, makes a very nice stop for Zara to stroll around.

Zara very happy to be ‘free’ and not confined in her carrier or the car

Rice fields at the foot of Gunung Agong, seen here with its peak shielded by the cloudsWe made another short stop at Candi Dasa, a small coastal town for coffee.

I love these photos. Zara was very chatty and was talking to me, while Daddy took these shots

It was then another 3hrs drive back down to the South. We got off at Kuta and did some shopping and had our dinner there.

DVDs were going for USD1, I bought 10 Barney DVDs for Zara, and 2 sets of clothing. I’d gone past the phase of buying attractive handicrafts which I’d no used for. If I don’t see a use for it, I don’t buy it, it helps with the pocket.

In the night, Zara slept soundly, while Daddy and I watched Four Weddings and A Funeral on DVD. (Ellie’s had an extensive selection of DVDs for loan, and each room is provided with a DVD player.)

It was a very long day, to be confined in the car most of the time from 10am to 7pm to see scenaries like this, I thought it wasn’t worthwhile.

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Zara’s moments in Bali

We brought along Zara’s comfort softie, Mr Blue to Bali, but unfortunately, it got lost in KLIA before we took off. Guess who became Zara’s comfort object? Me!

She’s always saying :
“Mita Boo, where you(where are you)?” followed by
“Want suck suck Mummy’s breast.” (her exact words, no kidding! And her pronunciation for “Breast” is perfect!)
“Want drink milk milk.”
And she continued to mumble, “Don’t want Daddy’s breast. Don’t have milk.”

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She didn’t have any bowel movements the day we did the traveling, I was getting a bit worried. Then she surprised me while we were having tea at the cafe in Candi Dasa by holding my hand and telling me suddenly, “Mummy (in a sweet tone), poo poo oh-di (already). Change dar-per (diaper) pis (please). Smeh-wee(smelly).” in one breath.

Since then, she’s telling us to “Change dar-per” every time she does her poop.

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I think I’d been telling her she can’t do this and that too often. One day during the trip, while we were getting ready to go out, she was singing (tuneless but I know she’s singing) her own invented song. She sang and swayed, “Ten-not (Cannot) Ten-not Do Do Do. Ten-not Ten-not Do Do Do.”

It was a jaw dropping moment for us, followed by lots of laughing.

I’d always brought along a travel guide on holidays. This round, I left both my Rough Guide and DK Eyewitness on Bali behind, and we did suffer the consequences. For 2 days, we just traveled long distant to places which are not appealing at all, wasting money and time *sigh*. On a brighter note, the holiday was good, Zara coped very well, in long car rides, on the plane, and even shopping long hours seated in her stroller or carried in the baby sling.

Day 1 ~ Thurs 27th April
We arrived Bali on Thursday night. A car has been sent to pick us up from Ellie’s, our hotel in Nusa Dua. It was pitch dark even though it was only about 7:30pm. The owner, an English named Sam, helped us checked in. It’s a small hotel, with only 8rooms, clean (most importantly) and gorgeously furnished.

While Sam ordered dinner for us from a local restaurant (Ellie’s doesn’t do dinners), we freshened up. Zara absolutely loved the bath.

fun on the plane and in the tub

From our dinner of nasi campur (Malay : mixed rice) and fish satay, Zara only took the rice, some tempeh (Malay : fermented beans) and lots of prawn cracker (her staple diet for the next few meals).

Day 2 ~ Friday 28th April
There’s no buffet breakfast in Ellie’s, but you can order fruit muesli, pancakes, french toasts, eggs, and it’ll be freshly made. You get to choose a hearty fresh juice or smoothie too.

I like establishment like this, Zara is free to roam about, and because the place is small, I’m not worried she’ll knock into people, or lost in a crowd. Zara had buttered toast, and half a glass of watermelon juice (for the next few days, she always had good breakfast, but took little from the rest of the meals).

She wanted a dip in the pool after breakfast and mummy oblidged.

Zara absolutely likes having her back ‘massage’ by the fountain

In the morning, we wanted to go to this big art market Kumbasari in Denpasar (capital of Bali), but the cabbie we hired told us to go to Sukawati instead. What a con job! After 2 hours of car ride, and 110,000R poorer (~RM60) we arrived at a dirty and small market, not worthy of a visit, in a isolated town. The cabbie wanted to wait for us and do the return trip but we just told him off. We roamed around the town a bit, and then took a local transport to Denpasar.

Around Sukawati; sticks for Satay on sale and narrow alley in Sukawati market; taking the local transport back to Denpasar.

We really enjoyed walking about in the local Pasar Badung in Denpasar, it is a very big market with lots of interesting things to see.

Cooked salted fish; lady packing Balinese Gado-gado; different types of eggs (salted, blackened etc); tempeh (fermented bean cakes) of all sort

Flowers for prayers; bamboo leaves for weaving; drink vendor and a very bored Zara; local vege on sale from the baskets

After this, we went to Pantai Geger in Nusa Dua (where Nikko Hotel Bali is located). We didn’t visit the hotel beach, but instead we hung around the local sea weed farms, and had grilled sea food dinner at a beach front restaurant.

After sea weed is harvested, the farmers have to dry them before selling them off; harvested sea weeds are transport by hand; women who need to take care of young kids are not spared; the sea weed farm right at the shore

Zara found a sea weed to play with; the sand around the farm is quite coarse, Daddy had to carry Zara while around walking in the farm; Zara rewarded Daddy with a hug; Daddy and Zara’s footsteps

Zara loved the sand; resting on Daddy’s shoulder with her head perched on Daddy’s head; inspecting a sea weed

We were back from Bali yesterday evening.

In the middle of last night, I felt nausea, gas was building up in my stomach and bitter bile pushed itself up to my throat. I had to go to the toilet to throw up. I thought I was getting some form of food poisoning from the trip, but then, I also thought if it was remotely possible that I was …?

In the morning, I did a test, I saw 2 lines. But then, I didn’t believe myself, the test kit I have was a cheapo one, don’t know if I could trust it . I went to the Dr to confirm.

And the result is, yes, there are 2 lines! 2nd line is faint but visible. If all goes well, Zara will be a real ‘jie-jie’ (Chinese: elder sister) in early Jan.


It is a shocker to me because I didn’t expect it to come so soon. I was feeling a bit anxious. Another one means double the expenses; Zara is now more or less independent (can play on her own, tell me what she needs if she wants some thing), to think that I have to start all over again gives me a headache. I have not been taking care of myself (unlike when I had Zara, I was in my optimum health), will everything be ok? I love Zara with all my heart, do I still have the capacity to love another?

Oh boy, what a shocker!